Aristophanes
The Birds
414 BC


Translator’s Note

This translation, which has been prepared by Ian Johnston of Malaspina University-College, Nanaimo, BC, Canada, is in the public domain and may be used, in whole or in part, for any purpose, without permission and without charge, provided the source is acknowledged.  Released July 2003.

Note that in the following translation the normal numbers refer to this text, while the numbers in square brackets refer to the Greek text.  Links to explanatory endnotes are indicated by an asterisk (*).

The translator would like to acknowledge the very valuable help he received from the notes in Alan H. Sommerstein’s edition of The Birds (Warminster: Aris and Phillips, 1987).

Printed copies of this text are available in the form of a chap book suitable for classroom use (at a price of $2.00 Canadian each plus postage). For details please contact Ian Johnston, Prideaux Street Publications, #201, 327 Prideaux Street, Nanaimo, BC, Canada, V9R 2N4 (ISBN 0-9733529-5-7) or check this link Prideaux Street Publications.

For comments, questions, suggestions for improvement, and so on, please contact Ian Johnston at Malaspina University-College, 900 Fifth Street, Nanaimo, BC, Canada, V9R 5S5 or at johnstoi@mala.bc.ca.

Historical Note

The Birds was first produced at the drama festival in 414 BC, where it won second prize. At this period, during the Peloponnesian War, Athens was very powerful and confident, having just launched the expedition to Sicily, fully expecting to triumph in that venture and in the larger war.


The Birds

Dramatis Personae

PISTHETAIROS: a middle-aged Athenian
EUELPIDES:
a middle-aged Athenian
SERVANT-BIRD:
a slave serving Tereus, once a man
TEREUS:
a hoopoe bird, once a man
FLAMINGO
PEACOCK
A SECOND HOOPOE
GLUTTON-BIRD
: a fictitious species
CHORUS LEADER
CHORUS:
of birds
XANTHIAS:
slave serving Pisthetairos
MANODOROS:
slave serving Euelpides, also called MANES.
PROCNE:
a nightingale with a woman’s body, consort of Tereus.
PRIEST
POET
ORACLE MONGER:
a collector and interpreter of oracles
METON:
a land surveyor
COMMISSIONER OF COLONIES:
an Athenian official
STATUTE SELLER:
man who sells laws
FIRST MESSENGER:
a construction-worker bird
SECOND MESSENGER:
a soldier bird
IRIS:
messenger goddess, daughter of Zeus
FIRST HERALD:
a bird
YOUNG MAN:
young Athenian who wants to beat up his father
CINESIAS:
a very bad dithyrambic poet and singer
SYCOPHANT:
a common informer
PROMETHEUS:
the Titan
POSEIDON:
god of the sea, brother of Zeus
HERCULES:
the legendary hero, now divine
TRIBALLIAN GOD:
an uncouth barbarian god
PRINCESS:
a divine young lady
SECOND HERALD

Scene: A rugged, treed wilderness area up in the rocky hills. Enter Pisthetairos and Euelpides, both very tired. They are clambering down from the rocky heights towards the level stage. Pisthetairos has a crow perched on his arm or shoulder, and Euelpides has a jackdaw. Both Pisthetairos and Euelpides are carrying packs on their back. They are followed by two slaves carrying more bags. The slaves stay well out of the way until they get involved in the action later on.

EUELPIDES: [speaking to the bird he is carrying]
        
Are you telling us to keep going straight ahead?
         Over there by that tree?

PISTHETAIROS:                        Blast this bird
         it's croaking for us to head back, go home.

EUELPIDES: Why are we wandering up and down like this?
         You're such a foolthis endless weaving round
         will kill us both.

PISTHETAIROS:                            I must be an idiot
         to keep hiking on along these pathways,
         a hundred miles at least, and just because
         that's what this crow keeps telling me to do.

EUELPIDES: What about me? My poor toe nails are thrashed.                       10
         I've worn them out because I’m following
         what this jackdaw says.

PISTHETAIROS: [looking around]                   I've no idea
         where on earth we are.

EUELPIDES:                            You mean from here
         you couldn't make it back to your place?                                                        [
10]

PISTHETAIROS: No waynot even Execestides
         could manage that.*

EUELPIDES:                   We’re in a real mess.

PISTHETAIROS: Well, you could try going along that pathway.

[The two men start exploring different paths down to opposite sides of the stage]

EUELPIDES: We two were conned by that Philokrates,
         the crazy vendor in the marketplace
         who sells his birds on trays. He claimed these two                                 
20
         would take us straight to Tereus the hoopoe,
         a man who years ago became a bird.
         That's why we paid an obol for this one,
         this jackdaw, son of Tharreleides.*
         and three more for the crow. And then what?
         The two know nothing, except how to bite.

[The jackdaw with Euelpides begins to get excited about something. Euelpides talks to the bird]

         What's got your attention now? In those rocks?                                              [20]
         You want to take us there? There's no way through.

PISTHETAIROS: [calling across the stage to Euelpides]
        
By god, the same thing over here, no road.

EUELPIDES: What’s your crow saying about the pathway?                            30

PISTHETAIROS: By god, it's not cawing what it did before.

EUELPIDES: [shouting] But what's it saying about the road?

PISTHETAIROS:                                             Nothing
         it's saying nothing, just keeps on croaking
         something about biting my fingers off.

EUELPIDES: [addressing the audience]
         Don't you think it's really odd the two of us,
         ready and eager to head off for the birds,*
         just can't find the way. You see, we're not well.
         All you men sitting there to hear our words,                                                    [30]
         we're ill with a disease, not like the one
         which Sacas suffers,* nothe opposite.                                                  40
         He's no true citizen, yet nonetheless
         he's pushing his way in by force, but we,
         both honoured members of our tribe and clan,*
         both citizens among you citizens,
         with no one trying to drive us from the city,
         have winged our way out of our native land
         on our two feet. We don't hate the city
         because we think it's not by nature great
         and truly prosperousopen to all,
         so they can spend their money paying fines.                                            50
         Cicadas chirp up in the trees a while,
         a month or two, but our Athenians                                                                                    [40]
         keep chirping over lawsuits all their lives.
         That's why right now we've set off on this trip,
         with all this stuffbasket, pot, and myrtle boughs.*
         We're looking for a nice relaxing spot,
         where we can settle down, live out our lives.
         We're heading for Tereus, that hoopoe bird
         we'd like to know if in his flying around
         he's seen a city like the one we want.                                                      60

PISTHETAIROS: Hey!

EUELPIDES:                   What?

PISTHETAIROS:                               My crow keeps cawing upwards
         up there.

EUELPIDES:          My jackdaw's looking up there, too,                                        [50]
         as if it wants to show me something.
         There must be birds around these rocks. I know
         let's make noise and then we'll see for sure.

PISTHETAIROS: You know what you should do? Kick that outcrop.

EUELPIDES: Why not use your head? There'd be twice the noise.

[Pisthetairos and Euelpides start climbing back up the rocky outcrops towards a door in the middle of the rocks]

PISTHETAIROS: Pick up a stone and then knock on the door.

EUELPIDES: All right. Here I go.

[Euelpides knocks very loudly on the door and calls out]

                                                           Hey, boy . . . boy!

PISTHETAIROS: What are you saying? Why call the hoopoe “boy”?             70
         Don't say thatyou should call out [giving a bird call] “hoopoe-ho.”

EUELPIDES: [knocking on the door and calling again]
         Hoopoe-ho! . . . Should I knock again? . . . Hoopoe-ho!

SERVANT-BIRD: [inside] Who is it? Who's shouting for my master?                     [60]

[The door opens and an actor-bird emerges. He has a huge beak which terrifies Euelpides and Pisthetairos They fall back in fear, and the birds they have been carrying disappear]

EUELPIDES: My lord Apollo, save us! That gaping beak

SERVANT-BIRD: [also frightened]
         Oh, oh, now we're in for it. You two men,
         you're bird-catchers!

EUELPIDES:                           Don't act so weird!
         Can't you say something nice?

SERVANT-BIRD: [trying to scare them off]
                                                                        You two men will die!

EUELPIDES: But we're not men.

SERVANT-BIRD: What? What are you, then?

EUELPIDES: Well . . . I'm a chicken-shitter . . . a Libyan bird . . .

SERVANT-BIRD: That's rubbish.

EUELPIDES: No, it's notI've just dropped my load                                80
         down both my legs. You can take a look.

SERVANT-BIRD: And this one here?
         What kind of bird is he?

                                    [to Pisthetairos] Can you speak?

PISTHETAIROS: Me? . . . a crapper-fowl . . . from Phasis.

EUELPIDES: God knows what kind of animal you are!

SERVANT-BIRD: I'm a servant bird.

EUELPIDES:                                     Beaten by some rooster                                 [70]
         in a cock fight?

SERVANT-BIRD:                   No. It was my master
         when he became a hoopoe, well, I prayed
         that I could turn into a bird. That way
         he'd still have me to serve and wait on him.

EUELPIDES: Does a bird need his own butler bird?                                       90

SERVANT-BIRD: He doesI think it's got something to do
         with the fact that earlier he was a man.
         So if he wants to taste some fish from Phalerum,
         I grab a plate and run off for sardines.
         If he wants soup, we need pot and ladle,
         so I dash off for the spoon.

EUELPIDES:                                     A runner bird
         that's what you are. Well, my little runner,
         do you know what we'd like to have you do?                                                  [80]
         Go call your master for us.

SERVANT-BIRD:                            But he's asleep
         for heaven's sake, his after-dinner snooze—                                           100
         he's just had gnats and myrtle berries.

EUELPIDES: Wake him up anyway.

SERVANT-BIRD:                                     I know for sure
         he'll be annoyed, but I'll do it, just for you.

[Exit Servant-Bird back through the doors]

PISTHETAIROS: Damn that birdhe scared me half to death.

EUELPIDES: Bloody hellhe frightened off my bird!

PISTHETAIROS: You're such a cowardthe worst there is.
         Were you so scared you let that jackdaw go?

EUELPIDES: What about you? Didn't you collapse
         and let your crow escape?

PISTHETAIROS:                                     Not me, by god.

EUELPIDES: Where is it then?

PISTHETAIROS:                   It flew off on its own.                                        110     [90]

EUELPIDES: You didn't let go? What a valiant man!

TEREUS: [from inside, speaking in a grand style]
         Throw open this wood, so I may issue forth.

[The doors open. Enter Tereus, a hoopoe bird, with feathers on his head and wings but none on his body. He struts and speaks with a ridiculously affected confidence. Euelpides and Pisthetairos are greatly amused at his appearance]

EUELPIDES: Oh Hercules, what kind of beast is this?
         What's that plumage? What sort of triple crest?

TEREUS: Who are the persons here who seek me out?

EUELPIDES The twelve gods, it seems, have worked you over.*

TEREUS: Does seeing my feathers make you scoff at me?
         Strangers, I was once upon a time a man.

EUELPIDES: It's not you we’re laughing at.

TEREUS:                                                               Then what is it?

EUELPIDES: It's your beakto us it looks quite funny.                                120

TEREUS: It's how Sophocles distorts Tereus—                                                     [100]
         that's mein his tragedies.

EUELPIDES:                                            You're Tereus?
         Are you a peacock or a bird?*

TEREUS:                                                I am a bird.

EUELPIDES: Then where are all your feathers?

TEREUS:                                         They've fallen off.

EUELPIDES: Have you got some disease?

TEREUS:                                             No, it's not that.
         In winter time all birds shed their feathers,
         then new ones grow again. But tell me this
         who are the two of you?

EUELPIDES:                  Us? We're human beings.

TEREUS: From what race were you born?

EUELPIDES:                                            Our origin?
         In Athenswhich makes the finest warships.                                        
130

TEREUS: Ah, so you're jury-men, are you?

EUELPIDES:                                               No, no.
         We're differentwe keep away from juries.

TEREUS: Does that seedling flourish in those parts?                                             [110]

EUELPIDES: If you go searching in the countryside,
         you'll find a few.

TEREUS:                  So why have you come here?
         What do you need?

EUELPIDES:                  To talk to you.

TEREUS:                                             What for?        

EUELPIDES: Well, you were once a man, as we are now.
         You owed people money, as we do now.
         You loved to skip the debt, as we do now.
         Then you changed your nature, became a bird.      
                                140
         You fly in circles over land and sea.
         You've learned whatever's known to birds and men.
         That's why we’ve come as suppliants to you,                                                
[120]
         to ask if you can tell us of some town,
         where life is sheepskin soft, where we can sleep.

TEREUS: Are you looking for a mighty city,
         more powerful than what Cranaus built?*

EUELPIDES: Not one more powerful, no. What we want
         is one which better suits the two of us.

TEREUS: You clearly want an aristocracy. 150

EUELPIDES: Me? No, not at all. The son of Scellias
         is someone I detest.*

TEREUS:                                         All right, then,
         What kind of city would you like to live in?

EUELPIDES: I’d like a city where my biggest problem
         would be something like thisin the morning
         a friend comes to my door and says to me,
         "In the name of Olympian Zeus, take a bath,       
                                         [130]
         an early one, you and your children,
         then come to my place for the wedding feast
         I'm putting on. Don’t disappoint me now.                                               160
         If you do, then don't come looking for me
         when my affairs get difficult for me."*

TEREUS: By heaven, you poor man, you do love trouble.
         What about you?

PISTHETAIROS:         I'd like the same.

TEREUS:                                                      Like what?

PISTHETAIROS: To have the father of some handsome lad
         come up to me, as if I'd done him wrong,
         and tell me off with some complaint like this
         "A fine thing there between you and my son,      
                                           [140]
         you old spark. You met him coming back
         from the gymnasium, after his bath                                                     170
         you didn't kiss or greet him with a hug,
         or even try tickling his testicles
         yet you're a friend of mine, his father."

TEREUS: How you yearn for problems, you unhappy man.
         There is a happy city by the sea,
         the Red Sea, just like the one you mention.*

EUELPIDES: No, no. Not by the sea! That's not for us,
         not where that ship Salamia can show up
         with some man on board to serve a summons
         early in the morning. What about Greece?                                            
180
         Can you tell us of some city there?*

TEREUS: Why not go and settle down in Elis
         in Lepreus?

EUELPIDES:                  In Leprous? By the gods,
         I hate the placealthough I've never seen it—                                            
[150]
         it’s all Melanthius' fault.*

TEREUS:                                             You could go
         to the Opuntiansthey're in Locris
         you might settle there.

EUELPIDES:                           Be Opuntius
         no way, not for a talent's weight in gold.*
         But what's it like here, living with the birds?
         You must know it well.

TEREUS:                                             It's not unpleasant.                             190
         First of all, you have to live without a purse.

EUELPIDES: So you're rid of one great source of fraud in life.

TEREUS: In the gardens we enjoy white sesame,                                                   [160]
         the myrtles, mint, and poppies.

EUELPIDES:                                    So you live
         just like newly-weds.

PISTHETAIROS:                                    That's it! I've got it!
         I see a great plan for this race of birds
         and power, too, if you'll trust what I say.

TEREUS: What do you want to get us all to do?

PISTHETAIROS: What should you be convinced to do? Well, first,
         don't just fly about in all directions,
                                                                           200
         your beaks wide openthat makes you despised.
         With us, you see, if you spoke of men
         who always flit about and if you asked,
         "Who's that Teleas" someone would respond,
         "The man's a birdhe’s unreliable,
         flighty, vague, never stays in one place long."*                                               [170]

TEREUS: By Dionysus, that's a valid point
         the criticism's fair. What should we do?

PISTHETAIROS: Settle down together in one city.

TEREUS: What sort of city could we birds set up?                                          210

PISTHETAIROS: Why ask that? What a stupid thing to say!
         Look down.

TEREUS:                  All right.

PISTHETAIROS:                  Now look up.

TEREUS:                                                      I'm looking up.

PISTHETAIROS: Turn your head round to the side.

TEREUS:                                                     By Zeus,
         this'll do me good, if I twist off my neck.

PISTHETAIROS: What do you see?

TEREUS:                              Clouds and sky.

PISTHETAIROS:                                                      Well, then,
         isn't this a staging area for birds?

TEREUS: A staging area? How come it's that?

PISTHETAIROS: You might say it's a location for them—                                    [180]
         there's lots of business here, but everything
         keeps moving through this zone, so it's now called                                 220
         a staging place. But if you settled here,
         fortified it, and fenced it off with walls,
         this staging area could become your state.
         Then you'd rule all men as if they're locusts
         and annihilate the gods with famine,
         just like in Melos.*

TEREUS:                                    How'd we manage that?

PISTHETAIROS: Look, between earth and heaven there's the air.
         Now, with us, when we want to go to Delphi,
         we have to ask permission to pass through
         from the Boeotians. You should do the same.                                         230
         When men sacrifice, make gods pay you cash.                                                 [190]
         If not, you don't grant them rights of passage.
         You'll stop the smell of roasting thigh bones
         moving through an empty space and city
         which don't belong to them.

TEREUS:                                                               Wow!!! Yippee!!
         By earth, snares, traps, nets, what a marvellous scheme!
         I've never heard a neater plan! So now,
         with your help, I'm going to found a city,
         if other birds agree.

PISTHETAIROS:                                    The other birds?
         Who's going to lay this business out to them?                                        
240

TEREUS: You can do it. I've taught them how to speak.                                       [200]
         Before I came, they could only twitter,
         but I've been with them here a long, long time.

PISTHETAIROS: How do you call to bring them all together?

TEREUS: Easy. I'll step inside my thicket here,
         and wake my nightingale. Then we'll both call.
         Once they hear our voices they'll come running.

PISTHETAIROS: Oh, you darling bird, now don't just stand there
         not when I'm begging you to go right now,
         get in your thicket, wake your nightingale.                                              250

[Tereus goes back through the doors]*

TEREUS: [singing]
                  Come my queen, don't sleep so long,
                 pour forth the sound of sacred song—                                                  [210]
                  lament once more through lips divine
                  for Itys, your dead child and mine,
                  the one we've cried for all this time.*

                  Sing out your music's liquid trill
                  in that vibrato voicethe thrill
                  which echoes in those purest tones
                  through leafy haunts of yew trees roams
                  and rises up to Zeus' throne.                                                           260

                  Apollo with the golden hair
                  sits listening to your music there
                  and in response he plucks his string
                  his lyre of ivory then brings
                  the gods themselves to dance and sing.

                           Then from gods' mouths in harmony                                             [220]
                           come sounds of sacred melody.

[A flute starts playing within, in imitation of the nightingale’s song. The melody continues for a few moments]

EUELPIDES: By lord Zeus, that little birdie's got a voice!
         She pours her honey all through that thicket!

PISTHETAIROS: Hey!

EUELPIDES:                  What?

PISTHETAIROS:                           Shut up.

EUELPIDES:                                               Why?

PISTHETAIROS:                                                    That hoopoe bird—            270
         he's all set to sing another song.

TEREUS: [issuing a bird call to all the birds. His song or chant is accompanied by the flute indicating the nightingale’s song]

         Epo-popo-popo-popo-popoi,
         Io, io, ito, ito, ito, ito.

         Come here to me,
         all you with feathers just like mine,                                                                
[230]
         all you who live in country fields
         fresh-ploughed, still full of seed,
         and all you thousand tribes
         who munch on barley corn
         who gather up the grain,              
                                                           280
         and fly at such a speed
         and utter your sweet cries,
         all you who in the furrows there
         twitter on the turned-up earth,
         and sweetly sing
         tio tio tio tio tio tio tio tio

         All those of you
         who like to scavenge food
         from garden ivy shoots,                                                                                  
[240]
         all you in the hills up there                                                                      290
         who eat from olive and arbutus trees.
         come here as quickly as you can,
         fly here in answer to this call
         trio-to trio-to toto-brix!

         And every one of you
         in low-lying marshy ground
         who snap sharp-biting gnats,
         by regions of well-watered land,
         and lovely fields of Marathon,
         all you variously coloured birds,                                                              
300
         godwits and francolins
         I'm calling you.

         You flocks who fly across the seas                                                                  [250]
         across the waves with halcyons
         come here to learn the news.
         We're all assembling here,
         all tribes of long-neck birds.
         A shrewd old man's arrived
         he's here with a new plan,
         a man of enterprise,                                                                                  310
         all set to improvise.
         So gather all of you
         to hear his words.

[The final words gradually change from coherent speech into a bird call]

         Come here, come here,
         come here, come here.
         Toro-toro toro-toro-tix
         Kik-kabau, kik-kabau.                                                                                    
[260]
         Toro-toro toro-toro li-li-lix

[Euelpides and Pisthetairos start looking up into the sky for birds]

PISTHETAIROS: Seen any birds lately?

EUELPIDES:                         No, by Apollo, I haven't
         even though I'm staring up into the sky,                                                  320
         not even blinking.

PISTHETAIROS:                    It seems to me
         that hoopoe bird was just wasting time
         hiding, like a curlew, in that thicket,
         and screaming out his bird calls
         [imitating Tereus] po-poi po-poi        

[There is an instant response to Pisthetairos’ call from off stage, a loud bird call which really scares Pisthetairos and Euelpides]

BIRD [offstage] Toro-tix, toro-tix.

PISTHETAIROS: Hey, my good man, here comes a bird.

[Enter a flamingo, very tall and flaming red-something Pisthetairos and Euelpides have never seen]

EUELPIDES:                                                By Zeus,
         that's a bird? What kind would you call that?
         It couldn't be a peacock, could it?

[Tereus re-enters from the thicket]

PISTHETAIROS: Tereus here will tell us. Hey, my friend,                              330
         what's that bird there?

TEREUS:                                    Not your everyday fowl
         the kind you always see. She's a marsh bird.                                                    [270]

EUELPIDES: My goodness, she's gorgeousflaming red!

TEREUS: Naturally, that's why she's called Flamingo.

[A second bird enters, a Peacock]

EUELPIDES: [to Pisthetairos] Hey . . .

PISTHETAIROS:                           What is it?

EUELPIDES:                                             Another bird's arrived.

PISTHETAIROS: You're right. By god, this one looks really odd.
         [To Tereus] Who's this bizarre bird-prophet of the Muse,
         this strutter from the hills?

TEREUS:                                    He's called the Mede.

PISTHETAIROS: He’s a Mede? By lord Hercules, how come
         a Mede flew here without his camel?                                                       340

EUELPIDES: Here's another one . . .

[The next bird enters, another Hoopoe]

                                                               . . . what a crest of feathers!
PISTHETAIROS: [To Tereus]
         What's this marvel? You're not the only hoopoe?                                           [280]
         This here's another one?

TEREUS:                                    He's my grandson
         son of Philocles the Hoopoeit's like
         those names you pass along, when you call
         Hipponicus the son of Callias,
         and Callias son of Hipponicus.*

PISTHETAIROS: So this bird is Callias. His feathers
         he seems to have lost quite a few.

TEREUS:                                                      Yes, that's true
         being a well-off bird he's plucked by parasites,                                        350
         and female creatures flock around him, too,
         to yank his plumage out.

[Enter the Glutton-bird, an invented species, very fat and brightly coloured]

PISTHETAIROS:                                          By Poseidon,
         here’s another bright young bird. What's it called?

TEREUS: This one's the Glutton-bird.

PISTHETAIROS:                                    Another glutton?
         Cleonymus is not the only one?*

EUELPIDES: If this bird were like our Cleonymus,                                                [290]
         wouldn't he have thrown away his crest?

PISTHETAIROS: Why do all the birds display such head crests?
         Are they going to run a race in armour?

TEREUS: No, my dear fellow, they live up on the crests,                                360
         because it's safer, like the Carians.*

PISTHETAIROS: [looking offstage] Holy Poseidon, do you see those birds!
         What a fowl bunch of themall flocking here!

EUELPIDES: [looking in the same direction]
         Lord Apollo, there's a huge bird cloud! Wow!
         So many feathered wings in there I can't see
         a way through all those feathers to the wings.

[Enter the Chorus of Birds in a dense mass. Pisthetairos and Euelpides clamber up the rock to get a better look at them]

PISTHETAIROS                                 Hey, look at that
         it's a partridge, and that one over there,
         by Zeus, a francolinthere's a widgeon
         and that's a halcyon!

EUELPIDES:                  What’s the one behind her?

PISTHETAIROS: What is it? It's a spotted shaver.

EUELPIDES:                                                      Shaver?                                370
         You mean there's a bird that cuts our hair?

PISTHETAIROS:                                             Why not?
         After all, there's that barber in the city
         the one we all call Sparrow Sporgilos.*                                                                               [300]
         Here comes an owl.

EUELPIDES:                  Well, what about that?
         Who brings owls to Athens?*

PISTHETAIROS: [identifying birds in the crowd]                  . . . a turtle dove,
         a jay, lark, sedge bird . . .

EUELPIDES:                  . . . finch, pigeon . . .

PISTHETAIROS:                                             . . . falcon,
         hawk, ring dove . . .

EUELPIDES:                  . . . cuckoo, red shank . . .

PISTHETAIROS:                                             . . . fire-crest . . .

EUELPIDES: . . . porphyrion, kestrel, dabchick, bunting,
         vulture, and that one's there's a . . . [he’s stumped]

PISTHETAIROS:                           . . . woodpecker!!

EUELPIDES: What a crowd of birds! A major flock of fowls!                        380
         All that twitter as they prance around,
         those rival cries! . . . Oh, oh, what's going on?
         Are they a threat? They’re looking straight at us
         their beaks are open!

PISTHETAIROS:                  It looks that way to me.

CHORUS LEADER: [starting with a bird call]
         To-toto-to to-toto-to to-to.                                                                             [310]
         Who's been calling me?
         Where's he keep his nest?

TEREUS: I'm the one. I've been waiting here a while.
         I've not left my bird friends in the lurch.

CHORUS LEADER: Ti-tit-ti ti-tit-ti ti-ti-ti-ti                                                  390
         tell me as a friend what you have to say.

TEREUS: I have news for all of ussomething safe,
         judicious, sweet, and profitable.
         Two men have just come here to visit me,
         two subtle thinkers . . .

CHORUS LEADER [interrupting] What? What are you saying?

TEREUS: I'm telling you two old men have arrived—                                           [320]
         they've come from lands where human beings live
         and bring the stalk of a stupendous plan.

CHORUS LEADER: You fool! This is the most disastrous thing
         since I was hatched. What are you telling us?                                          400

TEREUS: Don't be afraid of what I have to say.

CHORUS LEADER: What have you done to us?

TEREUS:                                                      I've welcomed here
         two men in love with our society.

CHORUS LEADER: You dared to do that?

TEREUS:                                             Yes, indeed, I did.
         And I'm very pleased I did so.

CHORUS LEADER:                           These two men of yours,
         are they among us now?

TEREUS:                           Yes, as surely as I am.

CHORUS [breaking into a song of indignation]
                  Aiiii, aiiiii
                  He's cheated us,
                 he's done us wrong.
                 That friend of ours,                                                                       410
                  who all along
                  has fed with us
                  in fields we share,                                                                                   [330]
                  now breaks old laws
                  and doesn't care.

                  We swore a pact
                  of all the birds.
                  He's now trapped us
                  with deceitful words
                  so power goes                                                                               420
                  to all our foes,
                  that wicked race
                  which since its birth
                  was raised for war
                  with us on earth.

CHORUS LEADER: We'll have some words with that one later.
         These two old men should get their punishment
         I think we should give it now. Let's do it
         rip 'em to pieces, bit by bit.

PISTHETAIROS:                           We're done for.

EUELPIDES: It's all your faultgetting us into this mess.                             430
         Why'd you bring me here?

PISTHETAIROS:                           I wanted you to come.                                      [340]

EUELPIDES: What? So I could weep myself to death?

PISTHETAIROS: Now, you're really talking nonsense
         how do you intend to weep, once these birds
         poke out your eyes?

CHORUS: [advancing towards Pisthetairos and Euelpides
                                             On, on . . .
         let's move in to attack,
         and launch a bloody rush,
         come in from front and back,
         and break 'em in the crush
         with wings on every side                                                                          440
         they'll have no place to hide.

         These two will start to howl,
         when my beak starts to eat
         and makes 'em food for fowl.
         There's no well-shaded peak,
         no cloud or salt-grey sea                                                                                  [350]
         where they can flee from me.

CHORUS LEADER: Now let's bite and tear these two apart!
         Where's the brigadier? Bring up the right wing!

[The birds start to close in on Pisthetairos and Euelpides, cowering up on the rocks]

EUELPIDES: This is it! I’m done for. Where can I run?                                   450

PISTHETAIROS: Why aren't you staying put?

EUELPIDES:                                             Here with you?
         I don’t want 'em to rip me into pieces.

PISTHETAIROS: How do you intend to get away from them?

EUELPIDES: I haven't a clue.

PISTHETAIROS:                           Then I'll tell you how
         we have to stay right here and fight it out.
         So put that cauldron down.

[Pisthetairos takes the cauldron from Euelpides and sets it down on the ground in front of them]

EUELPIDES:                           What good's a cauldron?

PISTHETAIROS: It'll keep the owls away from us.

EUELPIDES: What about the birds with claws?

PISTHETAIROS: [rummaging in the pack and producing a barbecue spit]
                                                                                           Grab this spit
         stick it in the ground in front of you.

EUELPIDES: How do we protect our eyes?                                                            [360]

PISTHETAIROS: [producing a couple of tin bowls]
                                                                An upturned bowl.                            460
         Set this on your head.

EUELPIDES: [putting the tin bowl upside down on his head and holding up the pot, with the spit stuck in the ground]
                                                      That's brilliant!
         What a grand stroke of warlike strategy!
         In military matters you're the best
         already smarter than that Nikias*

[Pisthetairos and Euelpides, with tin bowls on their heads, await the birds’ charge-with Pisthetairos hiding behind Euelpides who is holding up the big pot. Their two slaves cower behind them]

CHORUS LEADER:                  El-el-el-eu . . . Charge!
         Keep those beaks levelno holding back now!
         Pull 'em, scratch 'em, hit 'em, rip their skins off!
         Go smash that big pot first of all.

[As the Chorus is about to start its charge, Tereus rushes in between the two men and the Chorus and tries to stop the Chorus Leader]

TEREUS: Hold on, you wickedest of animals!
         Tell me this: Why do you want to kill these men,                                    470
         to tear them both to bits? They’ve done no wrong.
         Besides, they're my wife's relatives, her clansmen.

CHORUS LEADER: Why should we be more merciful to them
         than we are to wolves? What other animals
         are greater enemies of ours than them?
         Have we got better targets for revenge?                                                           [370]

TEREUS: Yes, by nature enemiesbut what if
         they've got good intentions? What if they've come
         to teach you something really valuable?

CHORUS LEADER: How could they ever teach us anything,                         480
         or tell us something usefulthey're enemies,
         our feathered forefathers' fierce foes.

TEREUS: But folks with fine minds find from foemen
         they can learn a lot. Caution saves us all.
         We don't learn that from friends. But enemies
         can force that truth upon us right away.
         That's why cities learn, not from their allies,
         but from enemies, how to build high walls,
         assemble fleets of warshipsin that way,
         their knowledge saves their children, homes, and goods.                         490      [380]

CHORUS LEADER: Well, here's what seems best to mefirst of all,
         let's hear what they have come to say. It's true
         our enemies can teach us something wise.

PISTHETAIROS: [to Euelpides}
         I think their anger's easing off. Let's retreat.

[Pisthetairos and Euelpides inch their way toward the doors, still bunched together, with Euelpides holding up the pot]

TEREUS: [to the Chorus Leader]
         It's only fairand you do owe me a favour,
         out of gratitude.

CHORUS LEADER:                           In other things,
         before today, we've never stood against you.

PISTHETAIROS: They're acting now more peacefully to us
         so put that pot and bowl down on the ground.
         But we'd better hang onto the spit, our spear.                                         500
         We'll use it on patrol inside our camp                                                             [390]
         right by this cauldron here. Keep your eyes peeled
         don't even think of flight.

[Euelpides puts down the cauldron, removes his tin-plate helmet, and marches with the spear back and forth by the cauldron, on guard]

EUELPIDES: What happens if we're killed? Where on earth
         will we be buried?

PISTHETAIROS:                           In Kerameikos
         where the potters livethey'll bury both of us.
         We'll get it done and have the public pay
         I'll tell the generals we died in battle,
         fighting with the troops at Orneai.*

CHORUS LEADER: Fall back into the ranks you held before.                       510     [400]
         Bend over, and like well-armed soldier boys,
         put your spirit and your anger down.
         We'll look into who these two men may be,
         where they come from, what their intentions are.

[The Chorus of Birds breaks up and retreats]

         Hey, Hoopoe bird, I'm calling you!

TEREUS:                                             You called?
         What would you like to hear?

CHORUS LEADER:                                    These two men
         where do they come from and who are they?

TEREUS: These strangers are from Greece, font of wisdom.

CHORUS LEADER: What accident or words                                                        [410]
         now brings them to the birds?                                                                   520

TEREUS: The two men love your life,
         adore the way you live
         they want to share with you
         in all there is to give.

CHORUS LEADER: What's that you just said?
         What plan is in their head?

TEREUS: Things you’d never think about
         you'll be amazedjust hear him out.

CHORUS LEADER: He thinks it's good that he
         should stay and live with me?                                                                                        530
         Is he trusting in some plan
         to help his fellow man
         or thump his enemy?                                                                                        [420]

TEREUS: He talks of happiness
         too great for thought or words
         He claims this emptiness
         all spaceis for the birds
         here, there, and everywhere.
         You'll be convinced, I swear.

CHORUS LEADER: Is he crazy in the head?                                                  540

TEREUS: He is shrewder than I said.

CHORUS LEADER: A brilliant thinking box?

TEREUS: The subtlest, sharpest fox
         he's been around a lot
         knows every scheme and plot.                                                                         [430]

CHORUS LEADER: Ask him to speak to us, to tell us all.
         As I listen now to what you're telling me,
         it makes me feel like flyingtaking off!

TEREUS: [to the two slaves]
         Take their suits of armour in the house
         hang the stuff up in the kitchen there,
                                                                       550
         beside the cooking stoolmay it bring good luck!

[turning to Pisthetairos]

         Now you. Lay out your plansexplain to them
         the reason why I called them all together.

[Pisthetairos is struggling with the servants, refusing to give up his armour]

PISTHETAIROS: No. By Apollo, I won't do it
         not unless they swear a pact with me
         just like one that monkey Panaitios,                                                               
[440]
         who makes our knives, had his wife swear to him
         not to bite or pull my balls or poke me.

CHORUS LEADER: You mean up your . . .

PISTHETAIROS:                            No, not there. I mean the eyes.

CHORUS LEADER: Oh, I’ll agree to that.

PISTHETAIROS:                                     Then swear an oath on it.                560

CHORUS LEADER: I swear on this conditionthat I get
         all the judges' and spectators' votes and win.*

PISTHETAIROS: Oh, you'll win!

CHORUS LEADER:              And if I break the oath
         then let me win by just a single vote.
         Listen all of you! The armed infantry
         can now pick up their weapons and go home.
         Keep an eye out for any bulletins
         we put up on our notice boards.                                                                     
[450]

CHORUS: [singing] Man's by nature's born to lie.
         But state your case. Give it a try.                                                             570
         There's a chance you have observed
         some useful things inside this bird,
         some greater power I possess,
         which my dull brain has never guessed.
         So tell all here just what you see.
         If there's a benefit to me,
         we’ll share in it communally.

CHORUS LEADER: Tell us the business that's brings you here.                            [460]
         Persuade us of your views. So speak right up.
         No need to be afraidwe've made a pact         
                                 580
         we won't be the ones who break it first.

PISTHETAIROS: [aside to Euelpides]
         By god, I'm full of words, bursting to speak.
         I've worked my speech like well-mixed flour
         like kneading dough. There's nothing stopping me.

[giving instructions to the two slaves]

         You, lad, fetch me a speaker's wreathand, you,
         bring water here, so I can wash my hands.

[The two slaves go into the house and return with a wreath and some water]

EUELPIDES: [whispering to Pisthetairos]
         You mean it's time for dinner? What's going on?

PISTHETAIROS: For a long time now I've been keen, by god,
         to give them a stupendous speechoverstuffed
         something to shake their tiny birdy souls.                                               
590

[Pisthetairos, with the wreath on his head, now turns to the birds and begins his formal oration]

         I'm so sorry for you all, who once were kings . . .

CHORUS LEADER: Kings? Us? What of?

PISTHETAIROS:                            You were kings indeed,
         you ruled over everything there is
         over him and me, first of all, and then
         over Zeus himself. You see, your ancestry
         goes back before old Kronos and the Titans,
         way back before even Earth herself!*

CHORUS LEADER: Before the Earth?

PISTHETAIROS:                            Yes, by Apollo.

CHORUS LEADER: Well, that's something I never knew before!                          [470]

PISTHETAIROS: That’s because you're naturally uninformed                   600
         you lack resourcefulness. You've not read Aesop.
         His story tells us that the lark was born
         before the other birds, before the Earth.
         Her father then grew sick and died. For five days
         he lay there unburied
there was no Earth.
         Not knowing what to do, at last the lark,
         at her wits' end, set him in her own head.

EUELPIDES: So now, the father of the lark lies dead
         in a headland plot.

PISTHETAIROS:                     So if they were born
         before the Earth, before the gods, well then,         
                                 610
         as the eldest, don't they get the right to rule?

EUELPIDES: By Apollo, yes they do.

[addressing the audience]

                                                      So you out there,
         look ahead and sprout yourselves a beak
         in good time Zeus will hand his sceptre back                                                 
[480]
         to the birds who peck his sacred oaks.

PISTHETAIROS: Way back then it wasn't gods who ruled.
         They didn't govern men. No. It was the birds.
         There's lots of proof for this. I'll mention here
         example number onethe fighting cock
         first lord and king of all those Persians,                                                  
620
         well before the time of human kings
         those Dariuses and Megabazuses.
         Because he was their king, the cock's still called
         the Persian Bird.

EUELPIDES:                            That's why to this very day
         the cock's the only bird to strut about
         like some great Persian king, and on his head
         he wears his crown erect.

PISTHETAIROS:                                     He was so great,
         so mighty and so strong, that even now,
         thanks to his power then, when he sings out
         his early morning song, all men leap up    
                                                              630
         to head for workblacksmiths, potters, tanners,                                               [490]
         men who deal in corn or supervise the baths,
         or make our shields or fabricate our lyres
         they all lace on their shoes and set off in the dark.

EUELPIDES: I can vouch for that! I had some bad luck,
         thanks to that cockI lost my cloak to thieves,
         a soft and warm one, too, of Phrygian wool.
         I’d been invited to a festive do,
         where some child was going to get his name,
         right here in the city. I'd had some drinks—                                             
640
         and those drinks, well, they made me fall asleep.
         Before the other guests began to eat,
         that bird lets rip his cock-a-doodle-doo!
         I thought it was the early morning call.
         So I run off for Halimus*but then,
         just outside the city walls, I get mugged,
         some coat thief hits me square across the back
         he used a cudgel! When I fall down there,
         about to cry for help, he steals my cloak!

PISTHETAIROS: To resume—way back then the Kite was king.                   650
         He ruled the Greeks.

CHORUS LEADER:                   King of the Greeks!!

PISTHETAIROS:                                          That’s right.
         As king he was the first to show us how                                                          [500]
         to grovel on the ground before a kite.
        
EUELPIDES: By Dionysus, I once saw a kite
         and rolled along the ground, then, on my back,
         my mouth wide open, gulped an obol down.
         I had to trudge home with an empty sack.*

PISTHETAIROS: Take Egypt and Phoeniciathey were ruled
         by Cuckoo kings. And when they cried "Cuckoooo!!"
         all those Phoenicians harvested their crop—                                          660
         the wheat and barley in their fields.

EUELPIDES:                                                       That's why
         if someone's cock is ploughing your wife’s field,
         we call you "Cuckoo!"you're being fooled!*

PISTHETAIROS: The kingship of the birds was then so strong
         that in the cities of the Greeks a king
         an Agamemnon, say, or Menelaus
         had a bird perched on his regal sceptre.
         And it got its own share of all the gifts                                                           
[510]
         the king received.

EUELPIDES:                            Now, that I didn't know.
         I always get amazed in tragedies                                                              670
         when some king Priam comes on with a bird.
         I guess it stands on guard there, keeping watch
         to see what presents Lysicrates gets.*

PISTHETAIROS: Here’s the weirdest proof of alllord Zeus
         who now commands the sky, because he's king,
         carries an eagle on his head. There's more
         his daughter has an owl, and Apollo,
         like a servant, has a hawk.

EUELPIDES:                                             That's right,
         by Demeter! What’s the reason for those birds?

PISTHETAIROS: So when someone makes a sacrifice                                    680
         and then, in accordance with tradition,
         puts the guts into god's hands, the birds
         can seize those entrails well before Zeus can.
         Back then no man would swear upon the gods
         they swore their oaths on birds. And even now,                                             
[520]
         our Lampon seals his promises "By Goose,"
         when he intends to cheat.* In days gone by,
         all men considered you like thatas great
         and sacred beings. Now they all think of you
         as slaves and fools and useless layabouts.                                               
690
         They throw stones at you, as if you're mad.
         And every hunter in the temples there
         sets up his trapsall those nooses, gins,
         limed sticks and snares, fine mesh and hunting nets,
         and cages, too. Then once they've got you trapped,
         they sell you by the bunch. Those who come to buy
         poke and prod your flesh. If you seem good to eat,                                         [530]
         they don't simply roast you by yourselfno!
         They grate on cheese, mix oil and silphium
         with vinegarand then whip up a sauce,                                                700
         oily and sweet, which they pour on you hot,
         as if you were a chunk of carrion meat.

CHORUS: This human speaks
                           of our great pain
                  our fathers' sins                                                                                     
[540]
                           we mourn again
                  born into rule,
                           they threw away
                  what they received,
                           their fathers' sway.                                                                
710

                  But now you’ve come
                           fine stroke of fate
                  to save our cause.
                           Here let me state
                  I'll trust myself
                           and all my chicks
                  to help promote
                           your politics.

CHORUS LEADER: You need to stick around to tell us all
         what we should do. Our lives won't be worth living    
                           720
         unless by using every scheme there is
         we get back what's oursour sovereignty.

PISTHETAIROS: Then the first point I'd advise you of is this:                              [550]
         there should be one single city of the birds.
         Next, you should encircle the entire air,
         all this space between the earth and heaven,
         with a huge wall of baked bricklike Babylon.

EUELPIDES: Oh Kebriones and Porphyrion!
         What a mighty place! How well fortified!*

PISTHETAIROS: When you've completed that, demand from Zeus              730
         he give you back your rule. If he says no,
         he doesn't want to and won't sign on at once,
         you then declare a holy war on him.
         Tell those gods they can't come through your space
         with cocks erect, the way they used to do,
         rushing down to screw another woman
         like Alkmene, Semele, or Alope.*
         For if you ever catch them coming down
         you'll stamp your seal right on their swollen pricks—                                    
[560]
         they won’t be fucking women any more.                                                    740
         And I'd advise you send another bird
         as herald down to human beings to say
         that since the birds from now on will be kings,
         they have to offer sacrifice to them.
         The offerings to the gods take second place.
         Then each of the gods must be closely matched
         with an appropriate bird. So if a man
         is offering Athena holy sacrifice,
         he must first give the Coot some barley corn.
         If sacrificing sheep to god Poseidon,                                                       
750
         let him bring toasted wheat grains to the Duck.
         And anyone who's going to sacrifice
         to Hercules must give the Cormorant
         some honey cakes. A ram for Zeus the king?
         Then first, because the Wren is king of birds,
         ahead of Zeus himself, his sacrifice
         requires the worshipper to execute
         an uncastrated gnat.

EUELPIDES:                   I like that bit about
         the slaughtered gnat. Now thunder on, great Zan.*                                        
[570]

CHORUS LEADER: But how will humans think of us as gods                       760
         and not just jackdaws flying around on wings?

PISTHETAIROS: A foolish question. Hermes is a god,
         and he has wings and fliesso do others,
         all sorts of them. There's Victory, for one,
         with wings of gold. And Eros is the same.
         Then there's Irisjust like a timorous dove,
         that's what Homer says.

EUELPIDES:                              But what if Zeus
         lets his thunder peal, then fires down on us
         his lightning boltthat's got wings as well.

PISTHETAIROS: [ignoring Euelpides] Now, if men in their stupidity                770
         think nothing of you and keep worshipping
         Olympian gods, then a large cloud of birds,
         of rooks and sparrows, must attack their farms,
         devouring all the seed. And as they starve,
         let Demeter then dole out grain to them.                                                       
[580]

EUELPIDES: She won't be willing to do that, by Zeus.
         She'll make excuses
as you'll see.

PISTHETAIROS:                                  Then as a test,
         the ravens can peck out their livestock's eyes,
         the ones that pull the ploughs to work the land,
         and other creatures, too. Let Apollo                                                       
780
         make them betterhe's the god of healing.
         That's why he gets paid.

EUELPIDES:                                     But you can't do this
         'til I've sold my two little oxen first.

PISTHETAIROS: But if they think of you as god, as life,
         as Earth, as Kronos and Poseidon, too,
         then all good things will come to them.

CHORUS LEADER:                       Tell me
         what these good things are.

PISTHETAIROS:                            Well, for starters,
         locusts won't eat the blossoms on their vines.
         The owls and kestrels in just one platoon
         will rid them of those pests. Mites and gall wasps      
                                      790      [590]
         won't devour the figs. One troop of thrushes
         will eradicate them one and all.

CHORUS LEADER: But how will we make people wealthy?
         That's what they mostly want.

PISTHETAIROS:                                     When people come
         petitioning your shrines, the birds can show
         the mining sites that pay. They'll tell the priest
         the profitable routes for trade. That way
         no captain of a ship will be wiped out.

CHORUS LEADER: Why won't those captains come to grief?

PISTHETAIROS: They'll always ask the birds about the trip.                         800
         Their seer will say, "A storm is on the way.
         Don’t sail just yet" or "Now’s the time to sail
         you’ll turn a tidy profit."

EUELPIDES:                            Hey, that's for me
         I'll buy a merchant ship and take command.
         I won't be staying with you.

PISTHETAIROS:                            Birds can show men
         the silver treasures of their ancestors,
         buried in the ground so long ago.
         For birds know where these are. Men always say,      
                                     [600]
         "No one knows where my treasure lies, no one,
         except perhaps some bird."

EUELPIDES:                                     I'll sell my boat.                                    810
         I'll buy a spade and dig up tons of gold.

CHORUS LEADER: How will we provide for human health?
         Such things dwell with the gods.

PISTHETAIROS:                                     If they're doing well,
         is that not giving them good health?

EUELPIDES:                                              You're right.
         A man whose business isn't very sound
         is never medically well.

CHORUS LEADER:                                     All right,
         but how will they get old? That's something, too,
         Olympian gods bestow. Must they die young?

PISTHETAIROS: No, no, by god. The birds will add on years,
         three hundred more.

CHORUS LEADER: And where will those come from?                                  820

PISTHETAIROS: From the birds' supply. You know the saying,
         "Five human lifetimes lives the cawing crow."*

EUELPIDES: My word, these birds are much more qualified                                 [610]
         to govern us than Zeus.

PISTHETAIROS:                            Far better qualified!
         First, we don’t have to build them holy shrines,
         made out of stone, or put up golden doors
         to decorate their sanctuaries. They live
         beneath the bushes and young growing trees.
         As for the prouder birds, an olive grove
         will be their temple. When we sacrifice,         
                                         830
         no need to go to Ammon or to Delphi
         we'll just stand among arbutus trees                                                               
[620]
         or oleasters with an offering
         barley grains or wheatuttering our prayers,
         our arms outstretched, so from them we receive
         our share of benefits. And these we'll gain
         by throwing them a few handfuls of grain.

CHORUS LEADER: Old man, how much you've been transformed for me
         From my worst enemy into my friend,
         my dearest friend. These strategies of yours—     
                                  840
         I'll not abandon them, not willingly.

CHORUS: The words you've said make us rejoice
         and so we'll swear with just one voice
         an oath that if you stand with me—                                                              
[630]
         our thoughts and aims in unity
         honest, pious, just, sincere,
         to go against the gods up there,
         if we're both singing the same song
         the gods won't have my sceptre long.

CHORUS LEADER: Whatever can be done with force alone                         850
         we're ready to take onwhat requires brains
         or thinking through, all that stuff's up to you.

PISTHETAIROS: That's right, by Zeus. No time for dozing now,                          [640]
         or entertaining doubts, like Nikias.*
         Nolet’s get up and at it fast.

TEREUS: But first, you must come in this nest of mine,
         these sticks and twigs assembled here. So now,
         both of you, tell us your names.

PISTHETAIROS:                   That’s easy.
         My name's Pisthetairos.

TEREUS:                            And this man here?

EUELPIDES: I'm Euelpides, from Crioa.                                                        860

TEREUS: Welcome both of you!

PISTHETAIROS and EUELPIDES:                   Thanks very much.

TEREUS: Won't you come in?

PISTHETAIROS:                   Let's go. But you go first
         show us the way.

TEREUS:                   Come on, then.

[Tereus enters his house]

PISTHETAIROS: [holding back, calling into the house]   But . . . it's strange . . .
         Come back a minute.

[Tereus reappears at the door]

                                                      Look, tell us both
         how me and him can share the place with you
         when you can fly but we're not able to.                                                          
[650]

TEREUS: I don't see any problem there.

PISTHETAIROS:                                              Maybe,
         but in Aesop's fables there's a story told
         about some fox who hung around an eagle,
         with unfortunate results.

TEREUS:                                              Don't be afraid.                                   870
         We have a little root you nibble on
         and then you'll grow some wings.

PISTHETAIROS:                                              All right then,
         let's go. [To the slaves] Manodorus, Xanthias,
         bring in our mattresses.

CHORUS LEADER: [to Tereus]                   Hold on a second
         I'm calling you.

TEREUS:                            Why are you calling me?

CHORUS LEADER: Take those two men ingive 'em a good meal.
         But bring your tuneful nightingale out here,
         who with the Muses sings such charming songs
         leave her with us so we can play together.                                                                      [660]

PISTHETAIROS: Yes, by godagree to their request.                                    880
        
Bring out your little birdie in the reeds.

EUELPIDES: For gods' sake, bring her out, so we can see
         this lovely nightingale of yours.

TEREUS: If that's what you both want, it must be done.
         [calling inside] Come here, Procne. Our guests are calling you.

[Enter Procne from the house. She has a nightingale’s head and wings but the body of a young woman. She's wearing gold jewellery]

PISTHETAIROS: Holy Zeus, that's one gorgeous little bird!
         What a tender chick!

EUELPIDES:                            How I'd love to help that birdie
         spread her legs, if you catch my drift.

PISTHETAIROS:                                                       Look at that
all the gold she's wearingjust like a girl.                                                              
[670]

EUELPIDES: What I'd like to do right now is kiss her.                                   890

PISTHETAIROS: You idiotlook at that beak she's got,
         a pair of skewers.

EUELPIDES:                                         All right, by god,
         we'll treat her like an eggpeel off the shell,
         take it clean off her head, and then we’ll kiss her.

TEREUS: Let's get inside.

PISTHETAIROS:                   You lead us ingood luck to all!

[Pisthetairos, Euelpides, Tereus, Xanthias, and Manodorus enter the house]

CHORUS: [singing to Procne]
                  Ah, my tawny throated love,
                  of all the birds that fly above
                  you're dearest to my heart
                  your sweet melodious voice
                  in my song plays its part—       
                                                     900
                  my lovely Nightingale,
                           you've come,                                                                                 [680]
                           you've come.
                  And now you're here with me.
                  Pour forth your melody.
                  Pipe out the lovely sounds of spring,
                  a prelude to my rhythmic speech
                  in every melody you sing.

[Procne plays on the flute for a few moments as the Chorus Leader prepares to address the audience directly. He steps forward getting close to the spectators]

CHORUS LEADER:
         Come now, you men out there, who live such dark, sad lives
         you're frail, just like a race of leavesyou're shaped from clay,        
     910
         you tribes of insubstantial shadows without wings,
         you creatures of a day, unhappy mortal men,
         you figures from a dream, now turn your minds to us,
         the eternal, deathless, air-borne, ageless birds,
         whose wisdom never dies, so you may hear from us
         the truth about celestial things, about the birds—                                          [690]
         how they sprang into being, how the gods arose,
         how rivers, Chaos, and dark Erebus were formed*
         about all this you’ll learn the truth. And so from me
         tell Prodicus in future to depart.* At the start,      
                                  920
         there was Chaos, and Night, and pitch-black Erebus,
         and spacious Tartarus. There was no earth, no heaven,
         no atmosphere. Then in the wide womb of Erebus,
         that boundless space, black-winged Night, first creature born,
         made pregnant by the wind, once laid an egg. It hatched,
         when seasons came around, and out of it sprang Love
         the source of all desire, on his back the glitter
         of his golden wings, just like the swirling whirlwind.
         In broad Tartarus, Love had sex with murky Chaos.
         From them our race was bornour first glimpse of the light.                  930
         Before that there was no immortal race at all,
         not before Love mixed all things up. But once they'd bred                             [700]
         and blended in with one another, Heaven was born,
         Ocean and Earthand all that clan of deathless gods.
         Thus, we're by far the oldest of all blessed ones,
         for we are born from Love. There's lots of proof for this.
         We fly around the place, assisting those in love
         the handsome lads who swear they'll never bend for sex,
         but who, as their young charms come to an end, agree
         to let male lovers bugger them, thanks to the birds,                                940
         our power as giftsone man gives a porphyrion,
         another man a quail, a third one gives a goose,
         and yet another offers up a Persian Fowl.*
         All mortals' greatest benefits come from us birds.
         The first is this: we make the season knownspringtime,
         winter, autumnit's time to sow, as soon as Crane
         migrates to Lybia with all that noise. He tells                                                 
[710]
         the master mariner to hang his rudder up
         and go to sleep awhile. He tells Orestes, too,
         to weave himself a winter cloak, so he won't freeze                                950
         when he sets out again to rip off people's clothes.*
         Then after that the Kite appears, to let you know
         another season's hereit's time to shear the sheep.
         Then Swallow comes. Now you should sell your winter cloak
         and get yourself a light one. So we’re your Ammon,
         Delphi and Dodonawe're your Apollo, too.*
         See how, in all your business, you first look to birds
         when you trade, buy goods, or when a man gets married.
         Whatever you think matters in a prophecy,
         you label that a birdto you, Rumour's a bird;                                      
960      [720]
         you say a sneeze or a chance meeting is a bird,
         a sound's a bird, a servant's a birdand so's an ass.
         It's clear you look on us as your Apollo.

CHORUS: So you ought to make gods of your birds,
         your muses prophetic, whose words
         all year round you’ve got,
         unless it's too hot.
         Your questions will always be heard.

         And we won't run away to a cloud
         and sit there like Zeus, who's so proud—   
                                           970
         we're ready to give,
         hang out where you live,
         and be there for you in the crowd.

CHORUS LEADER: Yes, to you, your children, and their children, too,                [730]
         we'll grant wealth and health, good life, and happiness,
         peace, youth, laughter, dances, festivals of song
         and birds' milk, tooso much, you’ll find yourself worn out
         with our fine giftsyes, that's how rich you'll be.

CHORUS:
                  Oh woodland Muse
                           Tio-tio-tio-tiotinx                                                                  
980
                  my muse of varied artful song
                  on trees and from high mountain peaks                                                 
[740]
                           tio-tio-tio-tiotinx
                  to your notes I sing along
                  in my leafy ash tree seat.
                           tio-tio-tio-tiontinx
                  From my tawny throat I fling
                  my sacred melodies to Pan.
                  In holy dance I chant and sing
                  our mother from the mountain land.   
                                                          990
                           Toto-toto-toto-toto-toto-totinx
                  Here Phrynichus would always sip                                                        
[750]
                  ambrosial nectar from our tone
                  to make sweet music of his own.
                           tio-tio-tio-tiotinx.

CHORUS LEADER: If there's someone out there in the audience
         who'd like to spend his future life among the birds
         enjoying himself, he should come to us. Here, you see,
         whatever is considered shameful by your laws,
         is all just fine among us birds. Consider this                                       
1000
         if your tradition says one shouldn't beat one's dad,
         up here with us it's all right if some young bird
         goes at his father, hits him, cries, "You wanna fight?
         Then put up your spur!" If out there among you all                                        
[760]
         there is, by chance, a tattooed slave who's run away,
         we'll call him a spotted francolin. Or else,
         if someone happens to be Phrygian, as pure
         as Spintharos, he'll be a Philemon-bred finch.
         If he's like Execestides, a Carian slave,
         let him act the Cuckoosteal his kin from us                                    
1010
         some group of citizens will claim him soon enough.
         And if the son of Peisias still has in mind
         betraying our city gates to worthless men,
         let him become his father's little partridge cock
         for us there's nothing wrong with crafty partridge stock.

CHORUS:                   Tio-tio-tio-tio-tinx-
                           That's how the swans
                                                                                           [770]
                           massed in a crowd
                           with rustling wings
                           once raised aloud                                                                   1020
                           Apollo's hymn.

                                    Tio-tio-tio-tio-tinx
                           They sat in rows
                           on river banks
                           where Hebros flows.
                                    Tio-tio-tio-tio-tinx

                           Their song then rose
                           through cloud and air
                           it cast its spell
                           on mottled tribes                                                                   
1030
                           of wild beasts there
                           the silent sky
                           calmed down the sea.
                                    Toto-toto-toto-toto-totinx.

                           Olympus rang—                                                                           [780]
                           amazement seized
                           its lords and kings.
                           Then Muses there
                           and Graces, too,
                           voiced their response—                                                        1040
                           Olympus sang.
                                    Tio-tio-tio-tio-tiotinx.

CHORUS LEADER: There's nothing sweeter or better than growing wings.
         If any of you members of the audience
         had wings, well, if you were feeling bored or hungry
         with these tragic choruses, you could fly away,
         go home for dinner, and then, once you'd had enough,
         fly back to us again. Or if, by any chance,
         a Patrocleides sits out there among you all,
                                                    [790]
         dying to shit, he wouldn't have to risk a fart                                            1050
         in his own pantshe could fly off and let 'er rip,
         take a deep breath, and fly back down again.
         If it should be the case that one of you out there
         is having an affair, and you observe her husband
         sitting here, in seats reserved for Council men,
         well, once again, you could fly off and fuck the wife,
         then fly back from her place and take your seat once more.
         Don’t you see how having wings to fly beats everything?
         Just look at Diitrephesthe only wings he had
         were handles on his flasks of wine, but nonetheless,       
                       1060
         they chose him to lead a squad of cavalry,
         then for a full command, so now, from being nobody,
         he carries out our great affairshe's now become                                          [800]
         a tawny civic horse-cock.*

[Enter Pisthetairos and Euelpides from Tereus’ house. They now have wings on and feathers on their heads instead of hair}

PISTHETAIROS:                            Well, that's that. By Zeus,
         I've never seen a more ridiculous sight!

EUELPIDES: What are you laughing at?

PISTHETAIROS:                             At your feathers.
         Have you any idea what you look like
         what you most resemble with those feathers on?
         A goose painted by some cheap artiste!

EUELPIDES: And you look like a blackbirdone whose hair                        1070
         has just been cut using a barber’s bowl.

PISTHETAIROS: People will use us as metaphors
         as Aeschlyus would say, "We're shot by feathers
         not from someone else but of our very own."

CHORUS LEADER: All right, then. What do we now need to do?

PISTHETAIROS: First, we have to name our city, something
         fine and grand. Then after that we sacrifice         
                                          [810]
         an offering to the gods.

EUELPIDES:                            That's my view, too.

CHORUS LEADER: So what name shall we give our city?

PISTHETAIROS: Well, do you want to use that mighty name                         1080
         from Lacedaimonshall we call it Sparta?

EUELPIDES: By Hercules, would I use that name Sparta
         for my city? No. I wouldn't even try
         esparto grass to make my bed, not if
         I could use cords of linen.*

PISTHETAIROS:                            All right then, what name
         shall we provide?

CHORUS LEADER:                   Some name from around here
         to do with clouds, with high places full of air,
         something really extra grand.

PISTHETAIROS:                                     Well, then,
         how do you like this: Cloudcuckooland?

CHORUS LEADER: Yes! That's good! You’ve come up with a name            1090    [820]
         that's really wonderfulit's great!

EUELPIDES:                                              Hang on,
         is this Cloudcuckooland the very spot
         where Theogenes keeps lots of money,
         and Aeschines hides all his assets?*

PISTHETAIROS: It's even more than thatit's Phlegra Plain,
         the place where gods beat up on all the giants
         in a bragging match.*

EUELPIDES:                            This fine metropolis!
         Oh, what a glittering thing this city is!
         Now who should be the city’s guardian god?
         Who gets to wear the sacred robes we weave?                                        
1100

PISTHETAIROS: Why not let Athena do the guarding?

EUELPIDES: But how can we have a finely ordered state
         where a female goddess stands there fully armed,                                           
[830]
         while Cleisthenes still fondles weaving shuttles.*

PISTHETAIROS: Well, who will hold our city’s strong Storkade?

CHORUS LEADER: A bird among us of a Persian breed
         it's said to be the fiercest anywhere
         of all the war god's chicks.

EUELPIDES:                                     Some princely cocks?
         They're just the gods to live among the rocks!

PISTHETAIROS: [to Euelpides]
         Come now, you must move up into the air,                                            
1110
         and help the ones who’re building up the wall
         hoist rubble for 'em, strip and mix the mortar,
         haul up the hod, and then fall off the ladder.                                                  
[840]
         Put guards in place, and keep all fires concealed.
         Make your inspection rounds holding the bell.*
         Go to sleep up there. Then send out heralds
         one to gods above, one down to men below.
         And then come back from there to me.

EUELPIDES:                                                 And you?
         You'll stay here? Well, to hell with you . . .

PISTHETAIROS:                                        Hey, my friend,
         you should go where I send youwithout you                                       
1120
         none of that work I mentioned will get done.
         We need a sacrifice to these new gods.
         I'll call a priest to organize the show.

[Euelpides exits.  Pisthetairos calls to the slaves through the doors of Tereus’ house]

         You, boy, pick up the basket, and you,
         my lad, grab up the holy water.                                                                       
[850]

[Pisthetairos enters the house. As the Chorus sings, the slaves emerge and prepare for the sacrifice. The Chorus is accompanied by a raven playing the pipes]

CHORUS: I think it's good and I agree,
                  your notions here are fine with me,
                  a great big march with dancing throngs
                  and to the gods send holy songs,
                  and then their benefits to keep                                                       
1130
                  we'll sacrifice a baby sheep
                  let go our cry, the Pythian shout,
                  while Chaeris plays our chorus out.

[The Raven plays erratically on the pipe. Pisthetairos comes out of the house. He brings a priest with him who is leading a small scrawny goat for the sacrifice]

PISTHETAIROS: [to the Raven] Stop blowing all that noise! By Hercules,
         what's this? I’ve seen some strange things, heaven knows,                            
[860]
         but never thisa raven with a pipe
         shoved up his nose. Come on, priest, work your spell,
         and sacrifice to these new gods as well.

PRIEST: I'll do it. But where's the basket-bearing boy?

[The slave appears with the basket]

         Let us now pray to Hestia of the birds,*                                                                1140
         and to the Kite that watches o'er the hearth,
         to all Olympian birds and birdesses . . .

PISTHETAIROS: [to himself] O Hawk of Sunium, all hail to you,
         Lord of the Sea . . .

PRIEST:                   And to the Pythian Swan of Delos
         let's pray to Leto, mother of the quail                                                             
[870]
         to Artemis the Goldfinch . . .

PISTHETAIROS:                   Ha! No more goddess
         of Colaenis now, but goldfinch Artemis . . .

PRIEST: . . . to Sabazdios, Phrygian frigate bird,
         to the great ostrich mother of the gods                                                    
1150
         and of all men . . .

PISTHETAIROS:                   . . . to Cybele, our ostrich queen,
         mother of Cleocritos* . . .

PRIEST:                                     . . . may they give
         to all Cloudcuckooites security,
         good health, as welland to the Chians, too.*

PISTHETAIROS: I do like thatthe way those Chians                                         [880]
        
always
get tacked on everywhere

PRIEST: . . . to Hero birds, and to their chicks,
         to Porphyrions and Pelicans,
         both white and grey, to Raptor-birds and Pheasants,
         Peacocks and Warblers . . .

[The Priest starts to get carried away]

                                                                    . . . Ospreys and Teals
         Herons and Gannets, Terns, small Tits, big Tits, and . . .                          1160

PISTHETAIROS: [interrupting]
         Hold on, dammitstop calling all these birds.
         You idiot! In what sort of sacrifice                                                                    [890]
        
does one call for ospreys and for vultures?
         Don't you seeone kite could snatch this goat,
         then carry it away? Get out of here,
         you and your garlands, too. I'll do it myself
         I'll offer up this beast all on my own.

[Pisthetairos pushes the Priest away. Exit Priest]

CHORUS: Now once again I have to sing
                  a song to purify you all,
                  a holy sacred melody.     
                                                                1170
                  The Blessed Ones I have to call
                  but if you're in a mood to eat
                  we just need one and not a score
                  for here our sacrificial meat                                                                     [900]
                  is horns and hair, and nothing more.

PISTHETAIROS: Let us pray while we make sacrifice
         to our feathery gods . . .
[raises his eyes to sky and shuts his eyes]

[A poet suddenly bursts on the scene reciting his verses as he enters]

POET: [reciting] O Muse, in your songs sing the renown
         of Cloudcuckoolandthis happy town . . .

PISTHETAIROS:
         Where'd this thing come from? Tell mewho are you?                          
1180

POET: Me? I'm a sweet tongued warbler of the words
         a nimble servant of the Muse, as Homer says.                                                 [910]

PISTHETAIROS: You're a slave and wear your hair that long?

POET: No, but all poets of dramatic songs
         are nimble servants of the Muse, as Homer says.

PISTHETAIROS: No doubt that's why your nimble cloak's so thin.
         But, oh poet, why has thou come hither?

POET: I've been making up all sorts of splendid songs
         to celebrate your fine Cloudcuckoolands
         dithyrambs and virgin songs and other tunes                                            1190
         after the style of that Simonides.*

PISTHETAIROS: When did you compose these tunes? Some time ago?                 [920]

POET: Oh, long long agoyes, I've been singing
         the glory of this town for years.

PISTHETAIROS:                                    Look here
         I've just been making sacrifice today
         the day our city gets its name. What's more,
         it's only now, as with a new-born child,
         I’ve given it that name.

POET: Ah yes, but Muses' words are swift indeed
         like twinkling hooves on rapid steeds.
         So thou, oh father, first of Aetna’s kings,                                                 1200
         whose name means lots of holy things,
         present me something from thy grace
         whate'er you wish, just nod your face.*                                                           
[930]

PISTHETAIROS: This fellow here is going to give us trouble
         unless we can escape by giving something.

[Calling one of the slaves]

         You there with the tunic and the jerkin on.
         Strip off the leather jerkin. Give it up
         to this master poet. Take this jerkin.
         You look as if you're really freezing cold.

POET: The darling Muse accepts the gift                                                         1210
         and not unwillingly
         But now your wit should get a lift
         from Pindar’s words which . . .

PISTHETAIROS: This fellow's never going to go away!                                         [940]

POET: [making up a quotation] "Out there amid nomadic Scythians,
         he wanders from the host in all his shame,
         he who has no woven garment shuttle-made
         a jerkin on, but no tunic to his name."
         I speak so you can understand.

PISTHETAIROS: Yes, I get ityou want the tunic, too.                                1220
         [To the slave] Take it off. We must assist our poets.
         Take it and get out.

POET:                                        I'm on my way
         But as I go I'll still make songs like these
         in honour of your city
         "O thou sitting on a golden throne,                                                                 [950]
         sing to celebrate that shivering, quivering land.
         I walked its snow-swept fruitful plains . . ."

[At this point Pisthetairos has had enough. He grabs the poet and throws him into the wings]

POET: [as he exits]                                            Aaaaiiiii!

PISTHETAIROS: [calling after him]
         Well, by Zeus, at least you've now put behind
         the cold, since you've got that little tunic on!
         God knows, that's a problem I’d not thought about—                             1230
         he learned about our city here so fast.
         [resuming the sacrifice] Come, boy, pick up the holy water
         and walk around again. Let everyone
         observe a sacred holy silence now . . . 

[Enter an Oracle Monger, quickly interrupting the ceremony. He is carrying a scroll]

ORACLE MONGER: Don't sacrifice that goat!

PISTHETAIROS:                                              What? Who are you?

ORACLE MONGER: Who am I? I’m an oracular interpreter.

PISTHETAIROS: To hell with you!                                                                                                 [960]

ORACLE MONGER:               Now, now, my dear good man,
         don't disparage things divine. You should know
         there's an oracle of Bacis which speaks
         of your Cloudcuckoolandit's pertinent.                                                1240

PISTHETAIROS: Then how come you didn't talk to me
         about this prophecy some time before
         I set my city here?

ORACLE MONGER:                   I could not do that
         powers divine held me in check.

PISTHETAIROS:                                Well, I guess
         there's nothing wrong in listening to it now.

ORACLE MONGER [unrolling the scroll and reading from it]
         "Once grey crows and wolves shall live together
         in that space between Corinth and Sicyon . . ."

PISTHETAIROS: What my connection to Corinthians?

ORACLE MONGER: Its Bacis’ cryptic way of saying "air."                                   [970]
         "First sacrifice to Pandora a white-fleeced ram.                                                  1250
         Whoever first comes to prophesy my words,
         let him receive a brand new cloak and sandals."

PISTHETAIROS: Are sandals in there, too?

ORACLE MONGER: [showing the scroll]                   Consult the book.
         "Give him the bowl, fill his hands full with offal . . ."

PISTHETAIROS: The entrails? Does it says that in there?

ORACLE MONGER: Consult the book. "Inspired youth,
         if thou dost complete what here I do command,
         thou shalt become an eagle in the cloudsif not,
         if thou will not give them me, you’ll ne’er become                                  1260
         an eagle, or a turtle dove, or woodpecker."

PISTHETAIROS: That’s all in there, as well?

ORACLE MONGER:                                     Consult the book.                            [980]

PISTHETAIROS: [pulling out a sheet of paper from his pants]
         Your oracle is not at all like this one
         Apollo’s very words. I them wrote down.
         "When an impostor comes without an invitation
         a cheating rogueand pesters men at sacrifice,
         so keen is he to taste the inner parts, well then,
         he must be beaten hard between the ribs . . ."

ORACLE MONGER: I don't think you’re reading that.

PISTHETAIROS:                                              Consult the book.
         "Do not spare him, even if he's way up there,  
                                       1270
         an eagle in the clouds, or if he's Lampon
         or great Diopeithes in the flesh."*

ORACLE MONGER: That’s not in there, is it?

PISTHETAIROS:                                     Consult the book.
         Now, get out! To hell with you . . .

{Pisthetairos beats the Oracle Monger off stage, hitting him with the scroll]

ORACLE MONGER:                            Ooooh . . . poor me! [Exit]                       [990]

PISTHETAIROS: Run off and do your soothsaying somewhere else!

[Enter Meton, a very effeminate man, carrying various surveying instruments, and wearing soft leather buskin boots]*

METON: I have come here among you all . . .

PISTHETAIROS:                                     Here's more trouble.
         And what have you come here to do? Your scheme
         what's it look like? What do you have in mind?
         Why hike up here in buskin?

METON:                                                      I intend
         to measure out the air for youdividing it                                             
1280
         in surveyed lots.

PISTHETAIROS:                            For heaven's sake,
         who are you?

METON: [shocked]                            Who am I? I'm Meton
         famous throughout Greece and Colonus.*

PISTHETAIROS: What are these things you’ve got?

METON:                                                       Rods to measure air.
         You see, the air is, in its totality,                                                                    
[1000]
         shaped like a domed pot cover . . . Thus . . . and so,
         from up above I'll lay my ruler . . . it bends . . . thus . . .
         set my compass inside there . . . You see?

PISTHETAIROS: I don't get it.

METON:                            With this straight ruler here
         I measure this, so that your circle here                                                     
1290
         becomes a squareand right in the middle there
         we have a market place, with straight highways
         proceeding to the centre, like a star,
         which, although circular, shines forth straight beams
         in all directions . . . Thus . . .

PISTHETAIROS:                                     This man's a Thales*
         Now, Meton . . .

METON:                   What?

PISTHETAIROS:                   You know I love you—                                            [1010]
         so do as I say and head out of town.

METON: Am I in peril?

PISTHETAIROS:                                  It's like in Sparta
         they're kicking strangers outlots of trouble
         plenty of beatings on the way through town.                                          
1300

METON: You mean a revolution?

PISTHETAIROS:                   God no, not that.

METON: Then what?

PISTHETAIROS:                   They've reached a firm decision
         it was unanimousto punch out every quack.

METON: I think I'd best be off.

PISTHETAIROS:                           You should, by god,
         although you may not be in timethe blows
         are coming thick and fast . . .

[Pisthetairos starts hitting Meton]

METON: [running off]                   Oh dear me . . . I'm in a pickle.

[Exit Meton. Pisthetairos yells after him]

PISTHETAIROS: Didn't I say that some time ago?
         Go somewhere else and do your measuring!                                                   
[1020]

[Enter an Athenian Commissioner. He is carrying voting urns. He is dressed in an extravagantly official costume]*

COMMISSIONER: Where are your honorary governors?

PISTHETAIROS: Who is this mana Sardanapallos?*                                   1310

COMMISSIONER: I have come here to Cloudcuckooland
         as your CommissionerI was picked by lot.

PISTHETAIROS: As Commissioner? Who sent you here?

COMMISSIONER: Some dreadful paper from that Teleas.*

PISTHETAIROS: How'd you like to receive your salary
         and leave, without doing anything?

COMMISSIONER:                                               By god,
         that would be nice. I should be staying at home
         for the assembly. I've been doing some work
         on Pharnakes' behalf.*

PISTHETAIROS:                         Then take your fee
         and go. Here's what you get . . .
[strikes him]

COMMISSIONER:                            What was that?                                                 1320

PISTHETAIROS: A motion on behalf of Pharnakes.                                              [1030]

[Pisthetairos strikes him again]

COMMISSIONER: I call on witnesseshe's hitting me
         He can't do thatI'm a Commissioner!

[Exit the Commissioner, on the run. Pisthetairos chases him]

PISTHETAIROS: Piss off! And take your voting urns with you!
         Don't you find it weird? Already they've sent out
         Commissioners to oversee the city,
         before we've made the gods a sacrifice.

[Enter a Statute-Seller reading from a long scroll]

STATUTE SELLER: "If a resident of Cloudcuckooland
         should wrong a citizen of Athens . . ."

PISTHETAIROS: Here come scrolls againwhat's the trouble now?               1330

STATUE SELLER: I'm a statute sellerand I've come here
         to sell you brand-new laws.

PISTHETAIROS:                            What laws?

STATUTE SELLER:                                                  Like this
         "Residents of Cloudcuckooland must use                                                      
[1040]
         the same weights and measures and currency
         as those in Olophyxia."*

PISTHETAIROS: [kicking him in the bum]                   Soon enough
         you'll use them on your ass, you Fix-your-Holean!!

STATUTE SELLER: What's up with you?

PISTHETAIROS:                            Take your laws and shove off!
         Today I'll give you laws you really feel!

[Statute Seller runs off. The Commissioner enters from the other side, behind Pisthetairos]

COMMISSIONER: [reading from a paper]
         "I summon Pisthetairos to appear in court
         in April on a charge of official outrage . . ."                                               .
1340

PISTHETAIROS: [turning] Really? You again! Why are you still here?

[Pisthetairos chases the Commissioner off again. The Statute Seller then re-appears on the other side, also reading from a paper]

STATUTE SELLER: "If anyone chases off court officers
         and won't receive them as the law decrees . . ."                                              
[1050]

PISTHETAIROS [turning] This is getting really badyou still here?

[Pisthetairos chases off the Statute Seller. The Commissioner re-appears on the other side of the stage]

COMMISSIONER: I'll ruin you! I'll take you to court
         ten thousand drachmas you'll . . .

PISTHETAIROS: [turning and chasing the Commissioner off stage]
         And I'll throw out those voting urns of yours!

STATUTE SELLER [reappearing]
         Have you any memory of those evenings
         when you used to shit on public pillars
         where our laws are carved?                                                                      
1350

[The Statute Seller turns his back on Pisthetairos, lifts up his tunic, and farts at him]

PISTHETAIROS: [reacting to the smell]
         Oh god! Someone grab him.

[The slaves try to catch the Statute Seller but he runs off. Pisthetairos calls after him]

                                                      Not going to stick around?
[to slaves] Let's get out of hereand fast. Go inside.
We'll sacrifice the goat to the gods in there.

[Pisthetairos and the slaves to inside the house]

CHORUS: All mortal men commencing on this day
         at every shrine will sacrifice to me,
         from now on offering me the prayers they say,                                                
[1060]
         for I control them all and everything I see.
         I watch the entire world, and I protect
         the growing crops, for I have power to kill
         the progeny of all the world's insects,      
                                               1360
         whose all-devouring jaws would eat their fill
         of what bursts out from seeds on ground below,
         or fruit above for those who lodge in trees.
         I kill the ones who, as the greatest foe,
         in sweet-smelling gardens cause great injuries
         All living beasts that bite and crawl
         are killedmy wings destroy them all.                                                            [1070]

CHORUS LEADER: This public notice has been proclaimed today:
         the man who kills Diagoras the Melian
         will receive one talentand if one of you      
                                        1370
         assassinates some tyrant long since dead and gone,
         he, too, will get one talent. So now, the birds, as well,
         wish to make the same announcement here. Any one
         who kills Philocrates the Sparrowman will get
         one talentand if he brings him in alive,
         he’ll get four.* That man strings finches up together,
         then sells 'ema single obol gets you seven.
         He injures thrushes by inflating them with air                                                 [1080]
         then puts them on display. And he stuff feathers
         up the blackbird's nose. He captures pigeons, too,                                 
1380
         keeps them locked up, and forces them to work for him,
         tied up as decoy birds, underneath his nets.
         We wish to make this known to you. If anyone
         is keeping birds in cages in your courtyards,
         we tell you, "Let them go." If you don't obey,
         you, in your turn, will be arrested by the birds,
         tied up and forced to work as decoys where we live.

CHORUS: Oh happy tribes
                  of feathered birds
                  we never need                                                                                 1390
                  a winter cloak.                                                                                        [1090]
                  In summer days
                  the sun's far rays
                  don’t injure us.
                  I live at ease
                  among the leaves
                  in flowery fields.
                  In love with sun
                  cicadas sing
                  through noonday heat                                                                      1400
                  their sharp-toned song
                  divinely sweet.
                  In winter caves
                  and hollow spots
                  I play all day
                  with mountain nymphs.
                  In spring we eat
                  white myrtle buds,
                  our virgin treat,
                  in garden places      
                                                                        1410
                  of the Graces.                                                                                         [1100]

CHORUS LEADER: We want to speak to all the judges here
         about our victorythe splendid things
         we'll give them if their verdict goes our way
         how they'll get much lovelier gifts than those
         which Alexander got.* And first of all,
         what every judge is really keen to have,
         some owls of Laureium who'll never leave.*
         They’ll nest inside your homes, hatch in your purse,
         and always breed small silver change. And then,                                     1420
         as well as this, you’ll live in temple-homes.
         The birds will make your roof tops eagle-style,                                                [1110]
         with pediments.* If you hold some office,
         a minor post, and wish to get rich quick,
         we'll set a sharp-beaked falcon in your hands.
         And if you need to eat, then we'll dispatch
         a bird's crop, where it keep its stored-up food.
         If you don't vote for us, you should prepare
         some little metal plates to guard your head.
         You'll need to wear them, just like statues do.                                         1430
         For those of you without that head plate on,        
         when you dress up in fine white brand-new clothes,
         the birds will crap on as a punishment.

[Enter Pisthetairos from the house]

PISTHETAIROS: You birds, we've made a splendid sacrifice.
         But why is there still no messenger
         arriving from the walls to bring us news                                                          [1120]
         of what's going on up there? Ah, here comes one,
         panting as if he'd run across that stream
         at Elis where Olympian athletes race.

[Enter First Messenger, out of breath]

FIRST MESSENGER: [he doubles up and can hardly speak]
         Where is . . . Where is he . . . where . . . where is . . .                              
1440
         where . . . where . . . where . . . our governor Pisthetairos?

PISTHETAIROS: I'm here.

FIRST MESSENGER:                   The building of your wall . . . it's done.

PISTHETAIROS: That's great news.

FIRST MESSENGER:                   The resultthe best there is . . .
         the most magnificent . . . so wide across . . .
         that Proxenides of Braggadocio
         and Theogenes could drive two chariots
         in opposite directions past each other
         along the top, with giant horses yoked,
         bigger than that wooden horse at Troy.

PISTHETAIROS: [genuinely surprised] By Hercules!

FIRST MESSENGER:                            I measured it myself—                     1450    [1130]
         its heightaround six hundred feet.

PISTHETAIROS:                                                        Wow!
         By Poseidon, that's some height! Who built the wall
         as high as that?

FIRST MESSENGER:                   The birdsnobody else.
         No Egyptian bore the bricksno mason,
         no carpenter was there. They worked by hand
         I was amazed. Thirty thousand cranes flew in
         from Lybiathey brought foundation stones
         they'd swallowed down. The corn crakes chipped away
         to form the proper shapes. Ten thousand storks
         brought bricks. Lapwings and other river birds                                         1460
         fetched water up into the air from down below.                                               [1140]

PISTHETAIROS: Who hauled the mortar up there for them?

FIRST MESSENGER:                                                       Herons
         they carried hods.

PISTHETAIROS:                   How'd they load those hods?

FIRST MESSENGER: My dear man, that was the cleverest thing of all.
         Geese shoved their feet into the muck and slid them,
         just like shovels, then flicked it in the hods.

PISTHETAIROS: Is there anything we can't do with our feet?

FIRST MESSENGER: Then, by god, the ducks, with slings attached
         around their waists, set up the bricks. Behind them
         flew the swallows, like young apprentice boys,      
                                 1470    [1150]
         with trowelsthey carried mortar in their mouths.

PISTHETAIROS: Why should we hire wage labour any more?
         Go onwho finished off the woodwork on the wall?

FIRST MESSENGER: The most skilled craftsmen-birds of all of 'em
         woodpeckers. They pecked away to make the gates
         the noise those peckers madean arsenal!
         Now the whole thing has gates. They’re bolted shut
         and guarded on all sides. Sentries make rounds,
         patrolling with their bells, and everywhere    
                                                  [1160]
         troops are in position, with signal fires                                                     1480
         on every tower. But I must go now
         I need to wash. You'll have to do the rest.

[Exit First Messenger]

CHORUS LEADER: What's up with you? Aren’t you astonished
         to hear the wall's been finished up so fast?

PISTHETAIROS: Yes, by gods, I am. It is amazing!
         To me it sounds just like some made-up lie.
         But here comes a guard from therehe'll bring news
         to us down here of what's going on up top.
         He face looks like a dancing warrior's.

[Enter the Second Messenger in a great panic and out of breath]

SECOND MESSENGER: Hey . . . hey . . . Help . . . hey you . . . help!           1490    [1170]

PISTHETAIROS: What's going on?

SECOND MESSENGER:                   We suffered something really bad . . .
         one of the gods from Zeus has just got through,
         flown past the gates into the air, slipping by
         the jackdaw sentinels on daytime watch.

PISTHETAIROS: That's bad! A bold and dangerous action.
         Which god was it?

SECOND MESSENGER:                   We're not sure. He had wings
         we do know that.

PISTHETAIROS:                   You should have sent patrols
         of frontier guards out after him without delay.

SECOND MESSENGER: We did dispatch the mounted archers
         thirty thousand falcons, all moving out      
                                             1500    [1180]
         with talons curved and readykestrels, buzzards,
         vultures, eagles, owlsthe air vibrating
         with the beat and rustle of their wings,
         as they search out that god. He's not far off
         in fact, he's here somewhere already.

[Exit Second Messenger]

PISTHETAIROS: We'll have to get our sling-shots outand bows.
         All you orderlies come here! Fire away!
         Strike out! Someone fetch a sling for me!

[Xanthias and Manodorus enter with slings and bows. The group huddles together with weapons ready]

CHORUS: [in grand epic style]
         And now the combat starts, a strife beyond all words,
         me and the gods at war. Let every one beware,      
                                 1510    [1190]
         protect the cloud-enclosing air, which Erebus
         gave birth to long ago. Make sure no god slips through
         without our catching sight of him. Maintain your watch
         on every sidealready I can hear close by
         the sound of beating wings from some god in the sky.

[Enter Iris, in long billowing dress and with a pair of wings. She descends from above, suspended by a cable and hovering in mid-air flapping her wings]

PISTHETAIROS: Hey, youjust where do you think you're flying?
         Keep still. Stay where you are. Don’t move. Stop running.                            
[1200]
         Who are you? Where you from? You've got to tell me.
         Where'd you come from?

IRIS:                                     I'm from the Olympian gods.

PISTHETAIROS: You got a name? You look like a ship up there—              1520
         the Salaminia or the Paralos.*

IRIS:                                                       I’m fast Iris.

PISTHETAIROS: Fast as in a boat or fast as in a bitch?

IRIS: What is all this?

PISTHETAIROS:                   Is there a buzzard here
         who’ll fly up there to arrest this woman?

IRIS: Arrest me? Why are you saying such rubbish?

PISTHETAIROS: [making at attempt to hit Iris by swinging his sling]
         You’re going to be very sorry about this.

IRIS: This whole affair is most unusual.

PISTHETAIROS: Listen, you silly old fool, what gates
         did you pass through to get by the wall?

IRIS:                                                                         What gates?
         By god, I don't have the least idea.                                                          
1530     [1210]

PISTHETAIROS: Listen to herhow she feigns ignorance!
         Did you go past the jackdaw generals?
         You won't answer that? Well then, where's your pass,
         the one the storks give out?

IRIS:                                     What's wrong with you?

PISTHETAIROS:You don't have one, do you?

IRIS:                                              Have you lost your wits?

PISTHETAIROS: Didn't some captain of the birds up there
         stick a pass on you?

IRIS:                                              By god no, no one up there
         made a pass or shoved his stick at me, you wretch.

PISTHETAIROS: So you just fly in here, without a word,
         going through empty space and through a city           
                                       1540
         which don't belong to you?

IRIS:                                              What other route
         are gods supposed to fly?

PISTHETAIROS:                                     I’ve no idea.
         But, by god, not this way. It's not legal.                                                          [1220]
         Right now you're in breach of law. Do you know,
         of all the Irises there are around,
         if you got what you most deserve, you'd be
         the one most justly seized and sent to die.

IRIS: But I’m immortal.

PISTHETAIROS:                                In spite of that,
         you would have died. For it's obvious to me
         that we'd be suffering the greatest injury,                                                1550
         if, while we rule all other things, you gods
         do just what you like and won't recognize
         how you must, in your turn, attend upon
         those more powerful than you. So tell me,
         where are you sailing on those wings of yours?

IRIS: Me? I'm flying to men from father Zeus,                                                         [1230]
         instructing them to sacrifice some sheep
         to the Olympian gods on sacred hearths
         and fill their streets with smells of offerings.

PISTHETAIROS: Who are you talking about? Which gods?                            1560

IRIS: Which gods? Why us of coursethe gods in heaven.

PISTHETAIROS: And you're the gods?

IRIS:                                              Are there any other deities?

PISTHETAIROS: The birds are now men's godsand to the birds
         men must now sacrifice and not, by god, to Zeus.

IRIS: [in the grand tragic style]
         Thou fool, thou fool, stir not the awesome minds of gods,
         lest Justice with the mighty mattock of great Zeus     
                                    [1240]
         destroy your race completelyand smoke-filled flames
         from Licymnian lightning bolts burn into ash
         your body and your home . . .

PISTHETAIROS: [interrupting]
         Listen, womanstop your spluttering.
         Just keep still. Do you think you're scaring off     
                                   1570
         some Lydian or Phrygian with such threats?
         You should know thisif Zeus keeps on annoying me,
         I'll burn his home and halls of Amphion,
         reduce them all to ash with fire eagles.
         I'll send more than six hundred birdsporphyrions
         all dressed in leopard skins, up there to heaven,                                              [1250]
         to war on him. Once a single porphyrion
         caused him distress enough.* And as for you,
         if you keep trying to piss me off, well then,
         I'll deal with Zeus' servant Iris first—    
                                                1580
         I’ll fuck your knickers offyou'd be surprised
         how hard an old man's prick like mine can be
         it's strong enough to ram your hull three times.

IRIS: Blast you, you wretch, and your obscenities!

PISTHETAIROS: Go way! Get a move on! Shoo!

[Iris begins to move up and away]

IRIS:                                                                    My father
         won't stand for insolence like thishe'll stop you!

PISTHETAIROS: Just go away, you silly fool! Fly off                                             [1210]
         and burn someone to ashes somewhere else.

[Exit Iris]

CHORUS: On Zeus' family of gods we've shut our door
         they'll not be passing through my city any more.                                      1590
         Nor will men down below in future time invoke
         the gods by sending them their sacrificial smoke.

PISTHETAIROS: Something's wrong. That messenger we sent,
         the one that went to human beings, what if
         he never gets back here again?                                                                         [1270]

[Enter First Herald, a bird, carrying a golden crown]

FIRST HERALD: O Pisthetairos, you blessed one,
         wisest and most celebrated of all men . . .
         the cleverest and happiest . . . trebly blest . . .
         [he’s run out of adjectives] . . . Speak something to me . . .

         PISTHETAIROS:                                     What are you saying?

FIRST HERALD: [offering Pisthetairos the golden crown]
         All people, in honour of your wisdom,        
                                            1600
         crown you with this golden diadem.

PISTHETAIROS: [putting on the crown]                   I accept.
         But why do people honour me so much?

FIRST HERALD: Oh you founder of this most famous town,
         this city in the sky, do you not know
         how much respect you have among all men,
         how many men there are who love this place?
         Before you built your city in the air,                                                               
[1280]
         all men were mad for Spartawith long hair,
         they went around half starved and never washed,
         like Socratesand carrying knobbed sticks.                                           
1610
         But now they've all completely changedthese days
         they're crazy for the birds. For sheer delight
         they imitate the birds in everything.
         Early in the day when they've just got up,
         like us, they all flock to feed together,
         but on their laws, browsing legal leaflets,
         nibbling their fill of all decrees. So mad
         have they become for birds that many men                                                     [
1290]
         have had the names of birds assigned to them.
         One lame tradesman now is called the Partridge.                                     1620
         And Melanippus' name is changed to Swallow,*
         Opuntius the Raven with One Eye.
         Philocles becomes the Lark, and Sheldrake
         is now Teagenes’ name. Lycurgus
         has become the Ibis, Chaerephon the Bat,
         Syracosius the Jay, and Meidias
         is now named the Quailhe looks like one
         right after the quail flicker's tapped its head.*
         They're so in love with birds they all sing songs                                               [1300]
         with lines about a swallow or a duck,                                                      1630
         or goose, some kind of pigeon, or just wings,
         even about some tiny bits of feather.
         That what's going on down there. I tell you,
         more than ten thousand men are coming here,
         demanding wings and talons in their lives.
         You've got to find a way to get some wings
         for your new colonists and settlers.

[Exit First Herald]

PISTHETAIROS: All right, by god, this is no time for us
         to just stand around. [To a slave] You, get inside there
         fill all the crates and baskets up with feathers.                                        
1640    [1310]
         Get on with it as fast as possible.
         Let Manes haul the wings out here to me.*
         I'll welcome those who come from down below.

[Xanthias and Manodoros go inside the house and start bringing out baskets of feathers]

CHORUS: Our city soon will have a reputation
         for a large and swelling population.

PISTHETAIROS: Just let our luck hold out!

CHORUS: Our city here inspires so much love . . .

PISTHETAIROS [to Manodoros, who is bringing out a basket]
         I’m telling you you've got to bring it fast!

CHORUS: For what do we not have here up above
         which any men require in their places?    
                                                                1650
         Desire, Wisdom, and eternal Graces
         we've got them all and what is still the best
         the happy face of gentle peaceful Rest.

PISTHETAIROS: [to Manes who is taking his time bringing out more baskets]
         God, you’re a lazy slavemove it! Faster!

CHORUS: Let him bring the wings in baskets on the go
         then once more run at himgive him a blow.
         The lad is like a donkeyhe’s that slow.

PISTHETAIROS: [frantically sorting feathers]
         Yes, that Manes is a useless slave.

CHORUS: Now first of all you need to sort                                                             [1330]
         these wings all out for each cohort                                                       1660
         musical wings and wings of seers,
         wings for the sea. You must be clear
         you need to look at all such things
         when you give every man his wings.

[Manes comes out with a basket, again moving very slowly]

PISTHETAIROS: [going at Manes and grabbling him]
         By the kestrels, I can't stop grabbing you
         when I see how miserably slow you are.

[Manes twists loose and runs back into the house. A young man enters singing]

YOUNG MAN: [singing] Oh, I wish I could an eagle be
         soaring high above the barren sea,
         the grey-blue ocean swell so free.

PISTHETAIROS: It looks like our messenger told us the truth—                  1670
         here comes someone singing that eagle-song.

YOUNG MAN: Damn itthere's nothing in the world as sweet
         as flying . . .

<PISTHETAIROS: You've come to get some wings from us, I guess.*>

YOUNG MAN: Yes, I'm in love with all your birdy ways
         I want to live with you and fly. Besides,
         I think your laws are really keen.

PISTHETAIROS: What laws? The birds have many laws.

YOUNG MAN: All of thembut I really like that one
         which says it's all right for a younger bird
         to beat up his old man and strangle him.                                                                  1680

PISTHETAIROS: Yes, by god, we think it very manly
         when a bird, while still a chick, beats up his dad.                                           
[1350]

YOUNG MAN: That's why I want to re-locate up here
         I'd love to choke my father, get all his stuff.

PISTHETAIROS: But there's an ancient law among the birds
         inscribed in stone on tablets of the storks,
         "When father stork has raised up all his young,
         when they are set to fly out of the nest,
         then young storks must, in their turn, care for him."

YOUNG MAN: So coming here has been no use, by god,                                          1690
         if I've now got to feed my father, too.

PISTHETAIROS: No, no. My dear young man, since you came here                      [1360]
         in all good faith, I’ll fix you up with wings
         just like an orphan bird.* And I’ll give you
         some fresh advicesomething I learned myself
         when I was just a lad. Don’t thump your dad.

[Pisthetairos starts dressing the boy as a bird as he says the following lines]

         Take this wing here, and in your other hand
         hold this spur tight. Think of this crest on top
         as from a fighting cock. Then stand your guard,
         go on a march, live on a soldier’s pay—     
                                            1700
         and let your father live. You like to fight,
         so fly away to territories in Thrace,
         and do your fighting there.

YOUNG MAN:                                     By Dionysus,
         I think the advice you give is good.                                                                 [
1370]
         I’ll do just what you say.

PISTHETAIROS:                            And now, by Zeus,
         you're talking sense.

[Exit Young Man. Enter Cinesias, singing and dancing very badly]*

CINESIAS: [singing]    To Olympus on high
                                    with my wings I will fly
                                    On this song's path I’ll soar
                                    and then sing a few more . . .                                         1710

PISTHETAIROS: This creature needs a whole pile of wings!

CINESIAS: [singing]    For my body and mind
                                   know not fear, so I'll find . . .

PISTHETAIROS: Cinesias, welcome. Let me now greet
         a man as thin as bark on linden trees!
         Why have you come whirling here on such lame feet?

CINESIAS:        A birdthat's what I long to be,                                                    [1380]
                           a clear-voice nightingalethat's me.

PISTHETAIROS: Stop singingjust tell me what you want to say.

CINESIAS: I want you to give me wings then float up,                                    1720
         flying high into the clouds where I can pluck
         wind-whirling preludes swept with snow.

PISTHETAIROS: You want to get your preludes from the clouds?

CINESIAS: But all our skill depends upon the clouds.
         Our brilliant dithyrambs are made of air
         of mist and gleaming murk and wispy wings.
         You'll soon see thatonce you've heard a few.                                             
[1390]

PISTHETAIROS: No, noI won't.

CINESIAS:                                              Yes, by Hercules, you will.
For you I'll run through all the airs . . .
[starts singing]

         Oh you images of birds,                                                                            1730
         who extend your wings,
         who tread upon the air,
         you long-necked birds . . .

PISTHETAIROS: [trying to interrupt] All right. Enough!

CINESIAS: [ignoring Pisthetairos, continuing to sing another song]
         Soaring upward as I roam.
         I wander floating on the breeze . . .

PISTHETAIROS: [looking in one of the baskets of wings]
         By heaven, I'll stop these blasting winds of yours!

[Pisthetairos takes a pair of wings and starts poking Cinesias around the stage with them, tickling him]

CINESIAS: [dodging away from Pisthetairos, giggling, and continuing to sing]
         First I head along the highway going down south,
         but then my body turns towards the windy north,
         as I slice airy furrows where no harbour lies . . .                                      
1740    [1400]

[Cinesias has to stop singing because Pisthetairos is tickling him too much with the wings. He stops running off and singing. He’s somewhat out of breath]

         Old man, that's a clever trickpleasant, too
         but really clever.

PISTHETAIROS:                   You mean you don't enjoy
         being whisked with wings?

CINESIAS:                            Is that the way you treat
         the man who trains the cyclic choruses
         the one whom tribes of men still fight to have?*

PISTHETAIROS: Would you like to stick around this place
         to train a chorus here for Leotrophides,*
         made up of flying birdsthe swallow tribe?

CINESIAS: You're making fun of methat's obvious.
         But I won't stop here until I get some wings     
                                      1750
         and I can run through all the airs.

[Exit Cinesias. Enter a Sycophant, singing to himself]

SYCOPHANT: [singing] Who are these birds with mottled wing?                            [1410]
         They don't appear to own a thing
         O dappled swallow with extended wing . . .

PISTHETAIROS: This is no minor problem we've stirred up
         here comes one more person singing to himself.

SYCOPHANT: [singing] O long and dappled wings, I call once more . . .

PISTHETAIROS: It seems to me his song's about his cloak
         he needs a lot of swallows to bring in the spring.*

SYCOPHANT: Where's the man who's handing out the wings                        1760
         to all who travel here?

PISTHETAIROS:                                     He's standing here.
         But you should tell me what you need.

SYCOPHANT:                                              Wings, wings.
         I need wings. Don't ask me that again.                                                           
[1420]

PISTHETAIROS: Do you intend to fly off right away,
         heading for Pellene?

SYCOPHANT:                            No, not at all.
         I'm a summons server for the islands
         an informer, too . . .

PISTHETAIROS:                            You're a lucky man
         to have such a fine profession.

SYCOPHANT:                            . . . and I hunt around
         to dig up law suits. That's why I need wings,
         to roam around delivering summonses      
                                              1770
         in allied states.

PISTHETAIROS:                   If you're equipped with wings,
         will that make you more skilled in serving men?

SYCOPHANT: No. But I'd escape being hurt by pirates.
         And then I could return home with the cranes,
         once I’ve swallowed many law suits down
         to serve as ballast.*

PISTHETAIROS:                   Is that what you do for work?                                   [1430]
         Tell me thisyou're a strong young lad and yet
         don't you slander strangers for a living?

SYCOPHANT: What can I do? I never learned to dig.

PISTHETAIROS: But, by god, there are other decent jobs,                             1780
         where a young man like you can earn his way,
         more honest trades than launching still more law suits.

SYCOPHANT: My good man, don't keep lecturing me like this.
         Give me some wings.

PISTHETAIROS:                            I'm giving you some wings
         I'm doing it as I talk to you right now.

SYCOPHANT: How can you put wings on men with words?

PISTHETAIROS: With words all men can give themselves their wings.

SYCOPHANT: All men?

PISTHETAIROS:                   Have you never heard in barber shops
         how fathers always talk of their young sons—                                                
[1440]
         "It’s dreadful the way that Diitrephes’ speech                                          1790
         has given my young lad ambitious wings,
         so now he wants to race his chariot."
         Another says "That boy of mine has wings
         and flutters over tragedies."

SYCOPHANT:                                     So with words
         they're really given wings?

PISTHETAIROS:                                     That what I said.
         With words our minds are raiseda man can soar.
         That's how I want to give you wingswith words,
         with useful words, so you can change your life
         and get a lawful occupation.

SYCOPHANT:                   But I don’t want to.                                                       [1450]

PISTHETAIROS: What will you do?

SYCOPHANT:                            I'll not disgrace my folks.                             1800
         Informingthat's my family’s profession.
         So give me now some light, fast falcon's wings
         or kestrel'sthen I can serve my papers
         on those foreigners, lay the charges here,
         and fly back there again.

PISTHETAIROS:                                     Ah, I get it
         what you're saying is that the case is judged
         before the stranger gets here.

SYCOPHANT:                            That's right.
         You understand exactly what I do.

PISTHETAIROS: And then, while he's travelling here by ship,
         you fly out there to seize his property.                                                     
1900

SYCOPHANT: You've said it all. I've got to whip around                                      [1460]
         just like a whirling top.

PISTHETAIROS:                                     I understand
         a whirling top. Well, here, by god, I've got
         the finest wings. They're from Corcyra . . . here!

[Pisthetairos produces a whip from the basket and begins hitting the Sycophant, who dodges around to evade the blows]

SYCOPHANT: Ouch! That's a whip you've got!

PISTHETAIROS:                                              Noa pair of wings.
         With them I'll make you spin around all day!

SYCOPHANT: Ow! Help! That hurts!

PISTHETAIROS:                            Wing your way from here!
         Get lostI want rid of you, you rascal!
         I'll show you legal tricks and twistssharp ones, too!

[Pisthetairos beats the Sycophant off stage. Enter Xanthias and Manodorus from the house]

         Let's gather up these wings and go inside.                                                1910

[Pisthetairos and the two slaves carry the baskets of wings back into the house]

CHORUS: When we fly                                                                                            [1470]
                  we often spy
                  strange amazing spots
                  in those flights
                  peculiar sights.

         There's a tree grows far from us
         simply called Cleonymos,
         a useless tree, without a heart
         immense, and vile in every part.
         It always blooms in early spring,     
                                                         1920
         bursting forth with everything
         that launches legal quarrelling.
         and then in winter time it yields                                                                       [1480]
         a shedding foliage of shields.

                  There's a land
                  ringed by the dark,
                  a gloomy wilderness,
                  where Heroes meet
                  and with men eat.

         Men live with heroes in that place,                                                           1930
         except at duskthen it's not safe
         for the two of them to meet.
         Men who in the night time greet                                                                      
[1490]
         the great Orestes are stripped bare
         he strikes at them and leaves them there.
         And so without their clothes they bide
         paralysed on their right side.*

[Enter Prometheus, muffling his face in a long scarf and holding an unopened umbrella]

PROMETHEUS: Oh, dear, dear, dear. I pray Zeus doesn't see me.
         Where's Pisthetairos?

[Pisthetairos enters from the house carrying a chamber pot. He is surprised to see the new arrival]

PISTHETAIROS:                     Who's this? Why so muffled?

PROMETHEUS: Do you see any god who's trailed me here?                          1940

PISTHETAIROS: No, by Zeus, I don't. But who are you?

PROMETHEUS: What time of day is it?

PISTHETAIROS:                                     What time of day?
         A little after noon. But who are you?

PROMETHEUS: Quitting time or later?                                                                  [1500]

PISTHETAIROS:                                     You’re pissing me off . . .

PROMETHEUS: What's Zeus up to? What about the clouds
         is he scattering 'emor bringing 'em together?

PISTHETAIROS: You're a total fool!

PROMETHEUS:                                     All rightthen I'll unwrap.

[Prometheus takes off the muffler concealing his face]

PISTHETAIROS: Prometheus, my friend!

PROMETHEUS:                            Hey, quiet. Don't shout.

PISTHETAIROS: What's the matter?

PROMETHEUS:                                     Shhh . . . don't shout my name.
         I'm done for if Zeus can see I'm here.                                                     
1950
         But I'll tell you what's going on up there,
         if you take this umbrella. Hold it up,
         above our headsthat way no god can see.

PISTHETAIROS: Ah ha! Now that's a smart precaution—                                    [1510]
         that's forethought, just like Prometheus!
         Come under heremake it fastall right, now,
         you can talk without a worry.

[Pisthetairos and Prometheus huddle together under the umbrella]

PROMETHEUS:                            Then listen.

PISTHETAIROS: I'm listeningspeak up.

PROMETHEUS:                                     Zeus is done for.

PISTHETAIROS: And when was he done in?

PROMETHEUS:                                              It happened
         once you colonized the air. From that point on,    
                                  1960
         no human being has made a sacrifice
         to any god, not onceand since that time
         no savoury smells from roasting thigh bones
         have risen up to us from down below.
         So now, without our offerings, we must fast,
         as if it’s time for Thesmophoria.*
         The barbarian gods are starving
so now                                                        [1520]
         they scream out like Illyrians and say
         their armies will march down attacking Zeus,
         unless he moves to get the ports re-opened,     
                                       1970
         to make sliced entrails once again available.

PISTHETAIROS: You mean other gods, barbarian ones,
         are there above you?

PROMETHEUS: Barbarian deities? Of course.
         That’s where Execestides derives
         all his ancestral family gods.

PISTHETAIROS: What's the name of these barbarian gods?

PROMETHEUS: The name? They're called Triballians.*

PISTHETAIROS: I seethat must be where we get our phrase
         they've got me "by the balls."                                                                              
[1530]

PROMETHEUS:                                   You got that right.
         Now let me tell you something to the point     
                                   1980
         ambassadors are coming here to settle this,
         from Zeus and those Triballians up there.
         But don't agree to peace unless great Zeus
         gives back his sceptre to the birds again,
         and gives the Princess to you as your wife.

PISTHETAIROS: Whose this Princess?

PROMETHEUS:                                     The loveliest of girls
         she's the one in charge of Zeus' thunderbolt
         and all his assetswise advice, good laws,
         sound common sense, dockyards, slanderous talk                                        [1540]
         his paymistress who hands three obols out                                               1990
         to jury men . . .

PISTHETAIROS:                    So in Zeus' name,
         she's the one in charge of everything?

PROMETHEUS:                                  That's right.
         If you get her from Zeus, you've got it all.
         That's why I came here to tell you this.
         I've always been a friend of human beings.

PISTHETAIROS: Yes, of all the gods it's thanks to you
         that we can fry up fish.*

PROMETHEUS:
                           I hate all gods
         but you know that.

PISTHETAIROS:                   You’ve always hated them.
         Heaven knowsit's something natural to you.

PROMETHEUS: I’m Timon through and through.* Time to get back.            2000
         So let me have the parasol. That way,
         if Zeus does catch sight of me from there,
         he'll think I’m following some basket girl.

PISTHETAIROS: Take the piss pot, toothen you can act
         as if you're the one who's carrying the stool.

[Prometheus leaves with the umbrella and the pot. Pisthetairos goes back into the house]

CHORUS: By that tribe of men with such huge feet
         they use them for a shade retreat,
         there's stands a lake where Socrates,
         deceives men's souls, that unwashed tease.
         Peisander went there to find out                                                              
2010
         the spirit his life had been without.
         A big young camel he did slay,                                                                        
[1560]
         then, like Odysseus, snuck away.
         By camel's blood to that place drawn,
         up pops a Batit's Chaerephon!*

[Enter Poseidon, Hercules, and the Triballian god]

POSEIDON: Here it isCloudcuckoolandin plain view,
         city we've come to as ambassadors.

[Poseidon inspects the clothing on the Triballian god]

         What are you doing? Why drape your cloak that way,
         from right to left? It's got to be re-slung
         the other waylike this.

[The Triballian tries to reshape his cloak but gets in a mess]

                                             You fumbling idiot—                                           2020
         a born Laespodias, that’s what you are!*
         O democracy! Where are you taking us,                                                           [1570]
         when gods vote in a clumsy oaf like this?

[Poseidon continues to fuss over the Triballian’s appearance]

         Keep your hands still! Oh, to hell with you!
         You're the most uncivilized of all the gods
         I've ever seen. All right, Hercules,
         what do we do?

HERCULES:                   You've heard what I propose.
         I'd like to wring his neckwhoever he is
         who set up this blockade against the gods.

POSEIDON: But you forget, my friend, that we've been sent                         2030
         as envoys to negotiate down here.

HERCULES: That just makes me want to throttle him
         twice as much as I wanted to before.

[The wall of the house now moves off to reveal Pisthetairos and the slaves getting dinner ready. They are preparing birds to cook in the oven]

PISTHETAIROS: The grater for the cheesecan someone get it?
         And bring the silphium. Hand me the cheese.
         Now, fire up the coals.
                                                                                                                   [1580]

POSEIDON:                            Greetings, mortal.
         We three are gods, and we salute you!

PISTHETAIROS: But I'm grating silphium right now.

HERCULES: What kind of meat is this?

PISTHETAIROS:                            The meat's from birds
         they've been tried and sentenced for rebellion,                                        2040
         rising up against the fowl democracy.

HERCULES: Is that why you're shredding silphium
         all over them before doing something else?

PISTHETAIROS [looking up and recognizing Hercules]
         Well, hello there, Hercules. What's up?

POSEIDON: We've come as envoys sent down from the gods
         to negotiate the terms for peace.

PISTHETAIROS: [to one of the slaves]  There's no oil left in the jug.

HERCULES:                                      And bird meat
         should be glistening with lots of oil.                                                               
[1590]

POSEIDON: We gods get no advantage from this war.
         If you and yours were friendly to the gods,     
                                         2050
         you'd have water from the rain in all your ponds
         halcyon days would be here all the time.
         We've come with total powers in such things.

PISTHETAIROS: From the start we didn't launch a war on you
         and we're ready to talk peace, if that's your wish,
         provided you’re prepared to do what's right.
         And here's what's right: Zeus gives his sceptre back
         to usI mean the birdsonce more. And then,
         if we can settle this on these conditions,
         I'll invite the envoys to have lunch with me.                                           
2060

HERCULES: [salivating over the prepared bird]
         That's just fine with me! I vote we say . . .

POSEIDON: [interrupting] What's that you fool! Idiotic glutton!
         You want give away your father's power?      
                                                                 [1600]

PISTHETAIROS: Is that what you think? Look, if birds here
         rule everything down there, won't you gods above
         be even stronger? Now underneath the clouds
         men can bend down and swear false oaths to you.
         But once the birds and you become allies,      
                                                [1610]
         if any man should swear by Raven and by Zeus
         and then perjure himself, Raven would come by,                                     2070
         swoop down upon the man before he sees him,
         peck at his eye and pluck it out.

POSEIDON:                                                       By Poseidon,
         what you're saying makes good sense!

HERCULES:                            Sounds good to me.

PISTHETAIROS: [to the Triballian god] What do you say?

TRIBALLIAN:                                                       Nab aist roo.

PISTHETAIROS: You hear what he said? He agrees with you.
         Now listen uphere's yet another benefit
         you'll get from us. If any man once vows
         to one of the gods he'll sacrifice a beast,
         then tries to talk his way out of doing it
         by splitting hairs and, acting on his greed,        
                                       2080
         holds back his vow, saying "Gods are patient,"                                               [1620]
         we'll make him pay for that as well.

POSE                                              How?
         Tell us how you'd do that.

PISTHETAIROS:                            Well, at some point,
         when that man is counting up his wealth
         or sitting in his bath, some kite will fly down,
         while he's not paying attention, grab his cash,
         the value of two sheep, and carry that
         up to the god.

HERCULES:                   He gets my vote again
         I say we give the sceptre back to them.

POSEIDON: All rightask the Triballian.                                                      2090

HERCULES: [threateningly]                        Hey, you
         Triballianwant me to smack you round?

TRIBALLIAN: [afraid] Oo smacka skeen dat steek?

HERCULES:                                     He says it's fine
         he agrees with me.

POSEIDON:                   Well, if it's what you want,                                               [1630]
         then it's all right with me.

HERCULES: [to Pisthetairos] Hey, we're ready to agree to terms
         about the sceptre.

PISTHETAIROS:           By god, there's one more thing
         I've just remembered. I'll let Zeus keep Hera,
         but he must give me that young girl Princess.
         She's to be my wife.

POSEIDON:                                      Then you don't want
         a real negotiation. Come on, let's go back home.

PISTHETAIROS: That's up to you. Hey, cook, watch that gravy.                  2100
         Make sure you make it sweet!

HERCULES:                                              Hey, Poseidon,
         my dear fellow, where you going? Come on,
         are we going to war about a woman?

POSEIDON: What should we do?

HERCULES:                            Do? Settle this matter.

POSEIDON: What? You fool! Don't you see what he's doing,
         how all this time he's been deceiving you?
         You're ruining yourself, you know. If Zeus dies,
         after giving all his sovereignty to birds,
         you'll have nothing. Right now you're his heir
         you get whatever's left when Zeus departs.
                                                            2200

PISTHETAIROS: [to Hercules]
         Oh dear, dearhow he's trying to play with you.
         Come on over herelet me tell you something.

[Pisthetairos and Hercules talk apart from the others]

         You uncles's putting one over on you,
         you poor foolbecause, according to the law,
         you don't get the smallest piece of property
         from your father's goods. You're illegitimate—                                             
[1650]
         you're a bastard.

HERCULES:                   A bastard? What do you mean?

PISTHETAIROS: I mean just what I say. Now, your mother
         she was an alien woman. And Athena
         do you think a daughter could inherit      
                                                2210
         if she's got legal brothers?

HERCULES: [very puzzled]                   But once he dies,
         couldn't my dad leave me all his property
         as a bastard's share?

PISTHETAIROS:                   The law won't let him.
         The first one to claim your father's property
         will be Poseidon here, who's raised your hopes.
         He'll claim he's your father's legal brother.
         I'll read you what Solon's laws dictate                                                        
[1660]

[Pisthetairos pulls a piece of paper out and reads]

         "If there are lawful children, then a bastard
         has no rights as a close blood relative.
         If there are no lawful children, the goods                                                
2220
         go to the nearest next of kin."

HERCULES:                                              What!
         I don't get anything from daddy’s stuff?

PISTHETAIROS: Not a thing, by god. So tell me this
         has your father introduced you to his kin group yet?*

HERCULES: No, not me. As a matter of fact,
         I've been wondering about that for some time.

PISTHETAIROS: Well, don't just stare up there, mouth wide open,
         planning an assault. Join up with us instead.
         I'll make you a king and give you bird's milk.                                           2230

HERCULES: I've always thought you’re right in what you say
         about the girl. I'd hand her over to you.

PISTHETAIROS: [to Poseidon] What do you say?

POSEIDON:                                          I vote no.

PISTHETAIROS:                                                  So now,
         it's up to the Triballian here. What you say?

TRIBALLIAN: De geerl geeve over greet souvrin bridies.

HERCULES: There! He says to hand her over.

POSEIDON:                                               No by god.                                              [1680]
         he never said to give her upno way.
         He’s just babbling like a swallow.

HERCULES: So he said hand her over to the swallows!

POSEIDON: You two work it outagree on peace terms.                             2240
         Since you’re both for it, I’ll say nothing more.

HERCULES: We ready now to give you all you ask.
         So come along with us in person
         up to heaventhere you can get your Princess,
         and all those other things as well.

PISTHETAIROS: [pointing to the cooking he’s been preparing]
         So these birds were slaughtered in good time
         before the wedding feast.

HERCULES:                            If you want to,
         I could stay here and roast the meat. You go.
                                                                   [1690]

POSEIDON: Roast the meat? You mean you'd wolf it down,
         you glutton. Come on with us. Let's go.                                                   2250

HERCULES: [reluctantly leaving] I'd have enjoyed eating that.

PISTHETAIROS: [calling to his slaves]                  Hey, you
         one of you bring me out some wedding clothes!

CHORUS: In lands of Litigation there's a place
         it's right beside the water clock
         where that villainous and thieving race
         of tongue-and-belly men all flock.
         They use their tongues to sow and reap,
         to harvest grapes and figs en masse.
         A crude barbarian tribe, a heap                                                                        [1700]
         of Philipses and Gorgias.                                                                          2260
         From these horse-loving sycophants,
         who use their tongues to cram their gut,
         through all of Attica’s expanse
         in sacrifice the tongue's first cut.*

[Enter Second Herald]

SECOND HERALD: You here who’ve done fine things, more wonderful
         than I can say, you thrice-blessed race with wings,
         you birds, welcome now your king on his return,
         as he comes back among these wealthy halls.
         Here he approachesyou'll never see a star
         so bright in any gleaming home of gold.                                                   2270   [1710]
         Nonot even the far-reaching rays of sun
         have ever shone as splendidly as he,
         the man who brings with him his lovely wife,
         too beautiful for words, and brandishing
         the winged thunderbolt from Zeus. Sweet smells
         are rising up, high into heaven's vault,
         a glorious spectacle, and wisps of smoke
         from burning incense are blown far and wide.
         Here he is in person. Let the sacred Muse
         open her lips in a triumphal holy song.                                                     2280

[Enter Pisthetairos and his bride Princess]

         CHORUS: Back off, break up, make room                                                  [1720]
         And wing your way around the man
         so blessed with blissful fortune.
         Oh, ohsuch beauty and such youth!
         What a blessing for this city of the birds
         is this fine marriage you have made.

         A great good fortune now attends us,
         the race of birdssuch mighty bliss,
         thanks to this man. So welcome back
         with nuptial chants and wedding songs    
                                               2290
         our man himself and his Princess.

         Olympian Hera and great Zeus
         who rules the gods on lofty thrones
         the Fates once joined with wedding songs.
         O Hymen, Hymenaeus*

         And rich young Eros in his golden wings
         held tight the reins as charioteer
         at Zeus’ wedding to the happy Hera.

         O Hymen, Hymenaeus,
         O Hymen, Hymenaeus.                                                                           
2300

PISTHETAIROS: Your chants fill me with great delight,
         as do you songs. And I just love your words.

CHORUS: Come now, celebrate in song
         earth-shattering thunder, Zeus' lightning fire

         which now belong to him
         that dreaded bolt white lighting, too.
         Oh, that great golden blaze of lightning,
         that immortal fiery spear of Zeus,
         and groaning thunders bringing rain                                                             [1750]
         with you this man now rattles Earth.                                                        2310
         And everything that Zeus once had,
         he's got it alland that includes
         our Princess, who once sat by Zeus' throne.
         O Hymen, Hymenaeus!

PISTHETAIROS: Now all you feathered tribes of friends,
         come follow me on this my wedding flight.
         Let's wing our way up there to Zeus' house
         and to our wedding bed. Reach out your hand,
         my blissful love, and take hold of my wing                                                   [1760]
         then dance with me. I'll lift and carry you.                                                2320

[Pisthetairos and Princess lead the procession off the stage]

CHORUS: Alalalalai
         Raise triumphal cries of joy,
         sing out the noble victor’s song
         the mightiest and highest of all gods!

[The procession exits singing and dancing, accompanying Pisthetairos and his bride up to Heaven]


Notes


*Execestides: An Athenian descended from Carian slaves and therefore not entitled to be a citizen. The point here is that he must have been extremely skilful to get to Athens, given where he started, and even he couldn’t navigate his way back to Athens in this terrain.
[Back to Text]

*Tereus: the name of a mythological king of Thrace who married Procne and raped her sister Philomela. The sisters killed his son and fed Tereus the flesh for dinner. All three were changed into birds: Tereus into a hoopoe, Procne into a nightingale, and Philomela into a swallow.  Tharreleides: the reference here seems to be to a well-known member of the audience, perhaps celebrated for his small size and loud voice. [Back to Text]

*birds: the Greek expression is “to the Ravens,” meaning “go to hell.” [Back to text]

*Sacas: a name for Acestor, a foreign-born tragic dramatist. [Back to Text]

*tribe and clan: the political units of Athenian civic life. [Back to Text]

*basket, pot, and myrtle boughs: these materials were necessary to conduct the sacrifices at the founding of a new city. [Back to Text]

*twelve gods: the major Olympian deities, headed by Zeus. [Back to Text]

*Most Athenians knew very little about peacocks. [Back to Text]

*Cranaus: reference to a mythological king who founded Athens or a word derived from kranaos, meaning rugged, a word often applied to Athens. [Back to Text]

*son of Scellias: reference is to a man called Aristocrates, an important politician-soldier in Athens. [Back to Text]

*difficult for me: this is a utopian fantasy because the neighbour is suggesting that, as a punishment, his friend Euelpides would not have to help him if he gets in financial trouble, even though he’s invited him to an important family celebration. [Back to Text]

*Red Sea: a general term for any sea by the southern coasts of Asia. [Back to Text]

*summons: Athenian citizens could be legally summoned home for trial. Salamia was an official ship often used for such voyages. [Back to Text]

*Melanthius' fault: the reference is to an Athenian tragic dramatist who had a very bad skin condition (making him look as if he had leprosy). [Back to Text]

*Opuntius: a widely disliked Athenian informer. A talent's weight is just under 30 kilograms. [Back to Text]

*Teleus: Athenian politician with a reputation for being unpredictable. [Back to Text]

*Melos: the Athenians committed a horrible atrocity during the Peloponnesian War, starving the population of Melos and then executing all male citizens. [Back to Text]

*In some productions of The Birds the set design permits the audience to see inside Tereus' quarters, so that the singer of the songs which follow remains visible to the audience. Alternatively, Tereus could move out onto a rocky balcony to deliver his song. It seems dramatically very weak to have him deliver these lyrics out of sight of the audience. [Back to Text]

*Itys: son of Tereus and Procne, killed by his mother, who served him up as dinner, in revenge for Tereus' rape and mutilation of her sister. [Back to Text]

*Hipponicus: this passages refers to the Greek custom of naming children after their grandfathers. Philocles was a tragic dramatist. Callias, his son, was a notorious spendthrift who squandered his family inheritance on a debauched lifestyle. [Back to Text]

*Cleonymus: an Athenian politician well known for his eating habits and his size. He also reputedly once threw his shield away in battle and ran off. [Back to Text]

*safer: Pisthetairos refers to a race in which the runners wore helmets with plumes (crests), but Tereus misunderstands and talks about mountain crests where the birds live. Caria is in Asia Minor. [Back to Text]

*shaver: the Greek bird kerulos was a mythological species. The passage here plays on the similarity of the verb keirein meaning to cut hair. [Back to Text]

*Athens: to bring owls to Athens is an expression for something totally unnecessary (like bringing coals to Newcastle). [Back to Text]

*Nikias: Athenian general famous for his tactical skill. [Back to Text]

*Orneai: a siege in which some Athenians took part. There were no casualties. [Back to Text]

*win: a reference to the fact that The Birds is competing in a drama festival. [Back to Text]

*Earth: Kronos was the father of Zeus; the Titans were the sons of Kronos. Earth was the original mother goddess. [Back to Text]

*Halimus: a community on the coast near Athens. [Back to the Text]

*kite: an old Greek custom of saluting the kite as the bird announcing the arrival of spring by rolling on the ground. This speech refers to the habit of carrying small coins in the mouth. Having eaten his money, he can’t buy the food he set out to purchase. [Back to Text]

*These lines are an attempt to deal with an totally obscure sexual pun in the Greek. [Back to Text]

*Lysicrates gets: a reference to a corrupt Athenian politician. [Back to Text]

*Lampon: a well known soothsayer in Athens. “By Goose” is a euphemistic way of swearing “By Zeus.” [Back to Text]

*Kebriones and Porphyrion were two Giants who fought against the Olympian gods. [Back to the Text]

*These women all had sexual encounters with gods. Alkmene and Zeus produced Hercules; Semele and Zeus produced Dionysus; and Alope and Poseidon produced Hippothoon. [Back to the Text]

*Zan: an archaic and contemptuous name for Zeus. [Back to the Text]

*crow: in legend and folk lore the life span of the crow was enormous. [Back to Text]

*Nikias: Athenian general, famous for his hesitation about tactics. [Back to Text]

*Erebus: the primeval darkness. [Back to Text]

*Prodicus: a reference to a well known philosopher who offered a materialistic explanation for the origin of the gods.[Back to Text]

*These lines refer to the custom of giving one's lover a bird as a present. [Back to Text]

*Orestes: the reference is to a well-known thief of other people’s clothing. [Back to Text]

*In other words, we’re all the oracles you need. Ammon, Delphi, and Dodona are shrines
famous for prophecy. Apollo is the god of prophecy.
[Back to Text]

*Diitrephes: prominent Athenian politician and general. A horse-cock is a mythological animal with the front of a horse and the rear of a cock. [Back to Text]

*poor people used esparto grass to make rope chords to hold up the mattress. Rich folks used linen. The pun here is obviously on Sparta-esparto. Euelpides won’t have anything to do with Sparta or anything that sounds like it. [Back to Text]

*Theogenes and Aeschines: two Athenian business men who constantly boasted they were richer than they were. [Back to Text]

*the giants were the monstrous children of Uranus; the gods are the Olympians, headed by Zeus. The point here is that Cloudcuckooland is so great, it's a place for divine boasting, not just the sort of thing rich Athenians might brag about. [Back to Text]

*Cleisthenes: a well-known homosexual in Athens, often satirized by Aristophanes. [Back to Text]

*The officer inspecting the sentries regularly rang a small bell to indicate that all was well. [Back to Text]

*Hestia: traditional goddess of the hearth. [Back to Text]

*Cleocritus: a very ugly Athenian who was often compared to an ostrich. [Back to Text]

*The Chians were staunch allies of Athens in the Peloponnesian War. [Back to Text]

*Simonides: well known lyric poet of the previous generation. [Back to Text]

*These lines are a jumble of allusions to well known poems. The founder of Aetna is Heiron, ruler of Syracuse, whose name is the same as the word for “of holy things.” In Homer a nod of the head signifies divine assent. [Back to Text]

*Lampon and Diopeithes were well-known soothsayers in Athens. [Back to Text]

*Meton was a famous astronomer and engineer. [Back to Text]

*Colonus: a district of Athens. [Back to Text]

*Thales: very famous astronomer and thinker from distant past. Thales is often considered the founder of philosophy. [Back to Text]

*Commissioner: an official who was sent out to supervise and report on a new colony. [Back to Text]

*Sardanapallos was the last king of Assyria, famous in legend for his extravagant lifestyle and appearance. [Back to Text]

*Teleas, an Athenian politician, would have proposed sending the Commissioner out.[Back to Text]

*Pharnakes was an important Persian official.  Dealing with him would be considered treasonous in some quarters. [Back to Text]

*A small town in the remote north east of Greece (by Mount Athos). [Back to Text]

*At the drama festival formal public announcements like this were part of the script. Diagoras was a notorious atheist who had fled Athens. The reward for killing old tyrants was part of a ritual pronouncement to protect democracy. [Back to Text]

*Alexander: another name for Paris of Troy. [Back to Text]

*The owls of Laureium are coins. The owl was stamped on Athenian coins, and Laureium was the site of the silver mines. [Back to Text]

*Greek temples commonly had triangular pediments known as “eagles.” [Back to Text]

*Pisthetairus compares Iris to a ship because her dressing is billowing like a sail. The two names he gives are the two main flag ships of the Athenian fleet. [Back to Text]

*Porphyrion was the name of one of the giants who went to war against Zeus. [Back to Text]

*the lines following refer to a number of political figures in Athens. [Back to Text]

*this reference is to a very popular betting game in which a quail was placed inside a circle and tapped on the head to see if it would back off or stand its ground. [Back to Text]

*Manes is probably another name for Manodoros, since there are only two slaves in the play [Back to Text]

*I follow Sommerstein’s useful suggestion and add this line here to make sense of the lines which follow. [Back to Text]

*At the festival for tragic drama, the war orphans were paraded around in special armour given to them by the state. [Back to Text]

*Cinesias was a well known and frequently satirized poet in Athens. He was extremely thin and evidently suffered very badly from diarrhea. [Back to Text]

*the tribes were the political divisions in Athenian life. The dithyrambic competitions were organized by tribes, each one wanting the services of the best poets.
[Back to Text]

*Leotrophides was another Athenian famous for being extremely thin (like Cinesias). [Back to Text]

*the point here seems to be that the Sycophant’s cloak is so thin and worn that he’s singing for warm weather, when he won’t need it. [Back to Text]

*Cranes reputedly swallowed stones to serve as ballast on their flights. [Back to Text]

*These lines refer to the notion that meeting up with ghosts of heroes is all right during the day but harmful at night. There is also another reference here to the thief Orestes (mentioned earlier by the Chorus Leader) who beats people and steals their clothes. [Back to Text]

*Thesmophoria: an important religious festival in Greece, during which there was a period of fasting. [Back to Text]

*Triballians: the name of a barbarian tribe in Thrace, north of Greece. [Back to Text]

*Prometheus stole fire from heaven and gave it to human beings. [Back to Text]

*Timon was a legendary Athenian who hated his fellow citizens. [Back to Text]

*Peisander: an Athenian with a reputation for corruption and cowardice.  Chaerephon was well known as an associate of Socrates. [Back to Text]

*Laespodias: Athenian politician who dressed oddly to conceal his misshapen legs. [Back to Text]

*A kin group (phrateres) was a group of citizens who shared a common ancestor. [Back to Text]

*These lines attack the Sophists who earned their living by teaching rhetoric. Gorgias was a famous sophist and Philip was his pupil and disciple. They are called horse-loving either to suggest extravagant ambitions or their non-Athenian tribal origins. In sacrificing an animal, the Athenians cut out the tongue first. The suggestion seems to be that that's what the speaker would like to do with the Sophists. [Back to Text]

*A customary salute to the gods of marriage. [Back to Text]

 


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